Or: how a pink pudding ate my neighbor
For anyone who can get over the ridiculous title they might find a really entertaining movie with ‘The Blob’. Released in 1958, this movie was (and still is) praised for its amazing advance as far as the special effects goes. And I must say that it looks pretty awesome for anyone who can appreciate an old movie that isn’t pumped with CGI crap.
The story takes place in a typical small town, when suddenly out of nowhere an f8ing meteorite falls down from the skies into the woods, an old man is lucky enough to finds it and all hell breaks loose. Turns out that inside the meteorite lives a small alien that looks like a pink pudding with a serious eating disorder. The alien attacks the old man by attaching himself to his arm and eats him away slowly, and I mean really slowly, like half the movie slowly. Steve McQueen (cleverly named Steve Andrews in this movie, sure fooled me) and his girlfriend just so happen to drive around looking for the same meteorite, they end up taking the old man to the doctor. After that, the Blob breaks loose and gets a serious case of the munchies. With every person it eats it grows in size and ends up being humongous, and there is no way to stop it. Shooting doesn’t seem to do anything, and since it doesn’t have a form, it can squeeze itself everywhere. Steve tries to warn the police, but they don’t believe him, and neither do his parents, a basic scenario that will repeat itself often in later movies throughout the years.
It’s your basic ‘Monster on the loose’ movie, and a good one at that. Only problem I have with it is that it’s SO. DAMN.SLOW, and you only see the monster every once in a while. It’s definitely based more on the characters and their hopelessness to warn anyone rather than the Blob itself, which is somewhat of a letdown. Another thing that annoys the living f8ck out of me is the fact that running appears to be frigging optional, the blob moves so slow, it makes the Romero’s zombies look like Kenyans, and still they can’t outrun the damn thing.
So yeah, overall a nice movie, very slow and outdated but still enjoyable, and honestly, how can you hate a movie that has such a catchy theme song?
Things ‘The Blob’ can teach us:
- Don’t let your little brother, who is probably on the slow side, ‘Guard’ your parents, he’ll do a horrible job. And above all, try to tell them that soothing at a 20 foot booger from outer space with a plastic gun isn’t the best way to protect the earth -_-
- Driving backwards was a way to prove your male dominance upon your friends back in the days, seriously, how the hell did our species survives this long??
Personal rating: 6/10
Critical rating: 6.5/10