tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30767214573187823042024-03-14T04:55:22.335-07:00Grimmbreak ReviewsReviews of the best and the worse that horror has to offerLoanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17490751090524545662noreply@blogger.comBlogger33125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3076721457318782304.post-58013961743448835172014-03-21T08:29:00.000-07:002014-03-21T08:32:32.494-07:00Body#19 2007 Review<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKwHoOcPlvR_aK8QTWywDw9gfR0qlDIlC1AP-GzxRwdEfmUJXhW_WhqcgMoxgXlA51FLQY9whfNqZd1sPJpT-YQu9FHDSHCmB0xYZSNUGq0c3Vie6jxVR0HdDKmsiHie-8DfB1yRCDm4Pr/s1600/body%2319+pic.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKwHoOcPlvR_aK8QTWywDw9gfR0qlDIlC1AP-GzxRwdEfmUJXhW_WhqcgMoxgXlA51FLQY9whfNqZd1sPJpT-YQu9FHDSHCmB0xYZSNUGq0c3Vie6jxVR0HdDKmsiHie-8DfB1yRCDm4Pr/s1600/body%2319+pic.png" height="320" width="264" /></a><span lang="EN-US"><b><span style="font-size: large;">Body#19</span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b><span style="font-size: x-small;">waiter, there's a fetus in my soup...</span></b></div>
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<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">I've
been doing a lot of comedy lately, haven’t I? And although it’s been fun and
swell, let’s tear away from this comforting zone to let ourselves be embarked
on a terrifying tale.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Actual scary
movies are hard to find, believe it or not. And to find one that is both scary
and pretty damn good? Yeah…that’s pretty rare.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">But here
we are, Body#19, released in 2007 by Thai director Paween Purikitpanya. This movie
might just be my favorite actual scary horror movie, the first time I saw it,
coming across it by accident, I was amazed by the storytelling and twists and turns
this masterpiece presented before me. But I’m getting ahead of myself, what’s
Body #19, or more commonly known as ‘Body sob 19’ or simply ‘Body’ about?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Chon and
his sister, a nurse working at the local hospital, found themselves renting a
huge house from an unknown owner. All seems to go well until Chon begins to see
questionable things crawling through the house. His sister decides to help him
to unearth the mystery behind these strange sightings, but all they find is a
name belonging to a woman who used to teach at the hospital. Things go from bad
to worse as other people begin to fall prey to this monster that takes the form
of a dismembered woman. And telling anything beyond this point would be a waste, because
believe me guys, you need to see this movie for yourself.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
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<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">This movie
is incredibly hard to talk about because the plot holds so many mysteries and I
really don’t want to spoil the fun for those watching this movie for the first
time. You might think you've already got it figured out, the teacher is coming
back to take vengeance on all those who wronged her as some sort of curse and Chon
just so happens to live in one of the prosecuted future victims house, right? Believe
it or not, if you thought something like that, you couldn't be more wrong. This
entire movie is a rolled up burrito of mystery and twists till the very last
second and you’ll never see them coming.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">This movie
needs to be seen at least twice to be fully understood, and believe me, the second
watch will be a completely new experience. You’ll notice some of the expressions
on the characters faces that you at first dismissed as just a little bit off to
be a major plot point afterward. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">But enough
about the magnificent storytelling, how does the movie look? Well, pretty damn
amazing, for the most parts. I’ll need to get this out of the way, the ghost/curse/grudge’s
face looks…well silly for a lack of better term. Mainly the eyes that seems to
be two Ping-Pong balls glued on the actress’s face. But thankfully it’s only
visible in a few scenes and only when they use the practical effects, yes
believe it or not, the CGI in this movie actually works and looks even better
that the practical effects, never thought I’d say that. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">But the
effects, both practical and computer generated look amazing for such an obscure
movie and fit the tone very well. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">And is
it scary? Well, for once yes, granted it’s not the scariest movie I've ever
seen, but it did manage to give me trouble getting some sleep for a few days. That
and the overall eerie and confusing tone of the film makes it an experience you
won’t forget easily.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Soundtrack
wise, there isn't a lot to be said except for one song that is repeated throughout
the movie more that I’d cared for, but it does somehow tie in the plot so I’ll
make an exception. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Even for
its minor flaws, this movie is a must-see for all who can appreciate a good
story that’ll keep you guessing and actual scares that work in the movie’s
context. I love this movie more and more every time I watch it, and although the
first view can be a bit confusing and make the movie seem like a bit of a mess
at times, those who will stick with it till the very end will walk out of this
movie with a smile on their faces.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Personal
rating: 9.8/10<o:p></o:p></b></span><br />
<span lang="EN-US"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Critical
rating: 9/10</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><b>Things I've learned from ‘Body#19’:</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">-Releasing
someone from a curse is all about timing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">-
Checking under your bed isn't always the safest route.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- Trucks
are f8cking crazy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- they
missed a great opportunity in not having one of the museum workers scream “I BE
PAKINZ BUTTREFLIES!!”, just saying.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">- Also,
fetus soup…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">[SPECIAL
AWARD]<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">The best
scare ever, gets you every time</span></div>
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“Chon…”</div>
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<br /></div>
Loanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17490751090524545662noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3076721457318782304.post-19002984320253166662014-03-18T06:21:00.000-07:002014-03-21T08:34:18.072-07:00Zombie Strippers! 2008 Review<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><b><span style="font-size: large;">Zombie
Strippers!</span><o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">Because
there are still people out there wanking to it</span></b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBypIuLOzaqYU-nQRZmXZAQnvye9nxmSd7VFeIoAuAQJhVFaKDCAnqY0WU3Go8C7Lj5Xo2do4bGmutG1TuyVbApF1DHgTUcG1JN0XE1HRCvAqAKeWovHe6GUjJNw6NM8yZckGzJ7M196Yt/s1600/ZS+P.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBypIuLOzaqYU-nQRZmXZAQnvye9nxmSd7VFeIoAuAQJhVFaKDCAnqY0WU3Go8C7Lj5Xo2do4bGmutG1TuyVbApF1DHgTUcG1JN0XE1HRCvAqAKeWovHe6GUjJNw6NM8yZckGzJ7M196Yt/s1600/ZS+P.png" height="320" width="268" /></a><span lang="EN-US">Well,
time to take a break from nightmares on Elm street and take a look
at...stipping zombies. But all is well, I have enough scotch to clear my memory
after this and we have a familiar face to lead us through this slightly
necrophiliac propaganding journey, no other
than Freddy himself, goddamit Robert Englund, of all the undead joint in all the grindhouse in all the world, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WgUBjmL86_k" target="_blank">he walks into mine</a>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">Well, to
be honest, the fact that Robert Englund plays in this movie is one of the two
big reasons I picked up this little flick made in 2008, the other would be the
name, because honestly, how could I pass on a movie about zombie strippers? Also
Jenna Jameson plays in this, <a href="http://www.ideachampions.com/weblogs/internet_high_five-2496.jpg" target="_blank">here a guilty high five to those who know who she is</a>…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">And yes,
before you even ask, this movie is exactly what you think it is.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">In a not
too distant future, one where stripping has become illegal. A small group of
commando is send out to take care of a laboratory spill that caused the
personnel to become brain-hungry zombies. Of course things get out of hand and
one of the zombies finds itself in an illegal strip club owned by Freddy Kruger
and bites the hell out of one of the strippers.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">And then
things get weird, I’m not sure how things will go down in the future, but I’m
pretty sure necrophilia will still not be the norm, so why in the name of all
that is holy, the crowd goes wild when the returned stripper dangles her
rotting flesh all over the dance floor , is beyond me. But Freddy sees an
opportunity in this and all goes to hell beyond that point. And yes, it gets
even weirder.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Ok,
let’s get this out of the way, this movie is funny as hell. Sure it can be
classified as toilet humor, but what can I say, it works. On the other end of
the spectrum however, when did people start to find dancing corpses hot? I mean
all right, I wouldn’t be one to kick Jenna Jameson out of bed, but she’s not so
hot that I’d pay to see her rotting pieces splatter all over the dance floor.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">But for
all the fun this movie is in its juvenile humor, I do get the idea that this
movie tries to be much deeper than it actually is, or at least that would be
the case if I knew anyone’s reasons to do anything in this movie. They try to
tackle multiple questions on the duality of men here and there, but it falls
flat when you realize they are just quoting Nietzsche every once in a while,
and like a joke without a punchline, this just goes on and on until the end of
the movie making you wonder if there was a point to all this, and to save you
the trouble, no, there isn’t.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">And it’s
a shame, because I really don’t want to call a movie named ‘Zombie Strippers’
pretentious, but I can’t see the joke, I mean why have the setup by having one
character ask questions about the prosecution of weaker woman in this industry
by pressurizing them with impossible standards, eventually wondering if men is
born evil, just to never either answer those questions or never have a joke
that works. So yes, and I hate to be the one to say it, but Zombie Stripper is,
maybe unwillingly, pretentious. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">For a
movie that hopelessly tries to show us the evil of standards and expectations,
something you’d expect would interest more woman than men (not being sexist
here, just saying) this movie is 75% striptease, something that, more often
than not, does not interest the female demographic. So why have all that talk
about the pressurizing of woman in the industry? For f8ck squabble diddle doo,
and that’s why this movie falls horribly flat in that regard.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br />
<span lang="EN-US">
</span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVYulxU8s312v6uYuIZMIZ6lPUkPD8cIEoY1GlAjiEm_JO_zHQNtX6T2m63zKnEDBYG1mvbGaJ3S3jVcyWOw4NwrhCYjk2TgsTcpIMUWl-z3GuBsSkTrr0jIi7Yav04EsvkDyr29LE-CC9/s1600/strip3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVYulxU8s312v6uYuIZMIZ6lPUkPD8cIEoY1GlAjiEm_JO_zHQNtX6T2m63zKnEDBYG1mvbGaJ3S3jVcyWOw4NwrhCYjk2TgsTcpIMUWl-z3GuBsSkTrr0jIi7Yav04EsvkDyr29LE-CC9/s1600/strip3.jpg" height="168" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Might want to rethink that lapdance...</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
But back
to the point, the effects are unfortunately really poor, and I mean both they
look cheap and they are uninteresting. More often than not computer generated
blood spatter and wounds that would make the later ‘Violent shit’ movies proud.
The small amount of practical effects are slightly better and the props and
sets do their jobs nicely. The acting isn't even worth mentioning, seeing as
the lead previous acting jobs were such unforgettable classics such as ‘Buttman
at Nudes a Poppin' 7’ and ‘Breast Obsessed 3’. Robert Englund, and no matter
how much I like him as an actor, didn’t bring his A-game either, he often
seemed like he was lost on the set or really waiting for his paycheck, but even
then, he did get a few chuckles out of me here and there.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">So,
final verdict? This movie is a blast, it’s perhaps poorly acted and has more
strip scenes than gay undertones in Brokeback Mountain, but it’s funny as hell
and will have you laughing all the way with its ridiculous plot.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">However,
I am speaking as a proud dong-owner here, and I feel that some of the ladies probably
won’t be able to sit through so much of Jenna’s exposed…uhum…acting. And thus
would find the movie pretty lacking and/or hard to sit through. However if you
don’t mind, the humor is still side-aching and it has more memorable quotes and
scenes than I could mention.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><br /></b></div>
</div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>Personal rating: 7/10</b></div>
</div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Critical
rating: 5.5/10<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Things I
learned from ‘Zombie Strippers!’:</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">-
Nietzsche does indeed make more sense after you die<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- This
future might be a bit short of stupid, but at least it’s not ‘<a href="http://grimmbreakreviews.blogspot.nl/2013/08/teenagecaveman-2002-this-movie-hurts-my.html" target="_blank">Teenage Caveman</a>’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- I’ll
never look at a billiard ball the same way<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- Rhino
in a thong might be the worst logo for anything since the <a href="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ly7ghlE8F71qbn1vmo1_r1_500.jpg" target="_blank">RE6 title card</a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- Foaming
Chewbacca…seriously internet?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- and I
though the teabag from killer pussy was bad…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Loanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17490751090524545662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3076721457318782304.post-17702865715411459662014-01-28T11:24:00.000-08:002014-01-28T11:25:00.668-08:00Update January 2014Hey guys,<br />
sorry for the lack of updates and reviews the past few days, been kinda busy with a whole lot of stuff, mainly trying to find a job and such. so there might be a less reviews than expected the coming weeks, but i do plan to finish all the nightmare on elm street in less than a week when i get some time for myself.<br />
<br />Loanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17490751090524545662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3076721457318782304.post-68424431273029170852014-01-16T05:31:00.002-08:002014-01-16T05:40:51.762-08:00A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors 1987 Review<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><b><span style="font-size: large;">Nightmare
on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors</span><o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">Freddy
vs the supernatural Glee club</span></b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoA6v-fSXBF6bAA4DF_XCrbO6PLlWYUw0obU4WiJ3InC4PLj76SxUh0_HFOkQZuNVD6HIDUJ5I2T0ttMNkXicnR366GOCYOfQLGbNOZI4lTHEHhfx1aw4wfeynrt7x3Pl6iE8j913w-hLR/s1600/nightmare_on_elm_street_3_poster_06.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; display: inline !important; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoA6v-fSXBF6bAA4DF_XCrbO6PLlWYUw0obU4WiJ3InC4PLj76SxUh0_HFOkQZuNVD6HIDUJ5I2T0ttMNkXicnR366GOCYOfQLGbNOZI4lTHEHhfx1aw4wfeynrt7x3Pl6iE8j913w-hLR/s1600/nightmare_on_elm_street_3_poster_06.jpg" height="320" width="209" /></a><span lang="EN-US">Finally
the third installment in the series, Dream Warriors, acclaimed as ‘The perfect
nightmare on elm street movie’. With a title as that, how can this movie
possibly go wrong? Well, why not take a look at this 1987 meet-up of the dream
demon Freddy Kreuger and the mighty Nancy dream Rangers…hold on, that’s not
right.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">A few
years after the murders on Elm street, some teens seem to all share the same
dream, and of course, parents, always doing what they do best, make things
worse by committing them to a psychological asylum. </span><br />
And
there they are find themselves like fishes in a barrel for our favorite dream
murdering maniac, Freddy Kreuger. But it seems that an old friend has decided to
make her comeback to finish what she started years ago, Nancy from the first
movie. And after noticing one of the patients seems to have the power to
control her dreams, she decide to form a team of dream warriors to finally
destroy Freddy.<br />
Warriors ranging from <a href="http://dinosaurdracula.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/iraani.gif" target="_blank">D&D wizards</a> to an <a href="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lr83r77jCa1qf7r5lo1_r1_500.gif" target="_blank">eighties idea of‘Bad’</a>…ugh.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Sweet
god does this one drive off the silly cliff with the quirkymobile. At first it
seems to be all right until the whole ‘Dream ability’ thing comes into play,
yeah, that’s a thing now. Apparently all the kids have special dream abilities,
like one having super strength , the other being able to do <a href="http://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/conup.gif" target="_blank">backflips</a>, and can
someone call the kid who got the superpower to scream real loud like a girl to
tell him he’s been screwed over? He can probably join Mati from Captain Planet
and Aquaman in the ‘screwed at the superpowers hand-out club’.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">But
besides the silliness of the second half which let me remind you all, had a
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmqRQjEDz25O_uglvdecbYOrz8s4eTIETYFZaUOWF8j4GnZVVTBg0mOIL62OVIEw_CxAnaZBrUaVHpTWwAPCJlTTYhoYFRpjS-jj4as5EPMnV0zAAj3SEU04UpTcSJb88FksDlJELSBmU/s1600/FotoFlexer_Animation.gif" target="_blank">freaking wizard</a>, how does the movie hold up? Well, for lack of a better term,
it’s amazing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">I’m
serious, the effects are incredible and the acting, although hammy at times, is
pretty decent. And holy sh8t, is that Morpheus (Lawrance Fishburn)? This just keeps getting better.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">The kids
are likable for the most parts, and seeing Nancy again was a nice addition, but
the real show stealer remains Robert Englund as Freddy Kreuger, who in this
movie more than before, really shines. In the previous movie, especially in the
second one, Freddy just seemed like
this uncharacteristic evil force, we knew he was evil, but beside that there
was very little to add. But in this movie Freddy has much more of a personality
(and a pretty, if not very dark, funny one) and we get to know a little of his
backstory, and even though it’s contrived and cliché as all hell, it’s at least
a step forward. But while on the subject, we learn about Freddy’s birth and the
cruel and brutal circumstances of said event, but the movie blames those events
for Freddy’s murderous existence as an adult. So instead of focusing on the big
question this movie should be asking, is evil something you’re born with or is
it something you come to learn trough traumatic events or taught by others, the
movie just glances over it and forgets about it like if it was afraid of what
it said. Which is something that really pisses me off with nightmare on Elm
street 3. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">But
well, back on track, if you don’t have a problem with the silliness of the
second act, this is probably the best movie in the saga so far. I still
personally prefer the first one, but this one is a close second. the main
antagonist, Freddy is much more refined and funny in a dark and twisted way.
The Effects are amazing and a real treat to look at and its characters are
varied and deaths are creative and original. Definitely worth a watch for any
horror fan.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Personal
Rating: 8.2/10<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Critical
rating: 8/10</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Things I’ve
learned from Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors:</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- <a href="http://cdn.bloody-disgusting.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/tumblr_mbdc3llX0R1r559vso1_500.gif" target="_blank">How to make it on TV</a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
- "<a href="http://31.media.tumblr.com/5437466d94fc01c48da62f0d52b9d8aa/tumblr_mpc5mvfyWh1rp0vkjo1_r3_500.gif" target="_blank">The Freddy Kreuger</a>" is the new drug sensation sweeping the nation after '<a href="http://media0.giphy.com/media/yGYTLmD7Vh1xm/giphy.gif" target="_blank">The Charlie Sheen</a>'</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- Never
thought that the idea of Freddy playing with his puppets could be so wicked<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
- Even
in the eighties, “I’m beautiful…and bad” sounds retarded</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4tz1OlOYGvrC_lh3ulJm17MyqT85jZogmcGl3iRHyC29x3_yAO1VerRbiKBWzBNC8QvcOYynJ9e0tDiLY9H6V1CeoyypOb3tnn44wbeQQC8W77DDQQAO6c3smlDnDmnwPOowU_-36J6cP/s1600/fk.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4tz1OlOYGvrC_lh3ulJm17MyqT85jZogmcGl3iRHyC29x3_yAO1VerRbiKBWzBNC8QvcOYynJ9e0tDiLY9H6V1CeoyypOb3tnn44wbeQQC8W77DDQQAO6c3smlDnDmnwPOowU_-36J6cP/s1600/fk.jpg" height="320" width="252" /></a><span lang="EN-US"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Freddy’s
kill count: 20<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Best
kill in this movie: Killer puppeteer <o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Best kill
so far: Killer pupeteer</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Loanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17490751090524545662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3076721457318782304.post-80205038931821982272014-01-07T14:01:00.002-08:002014-01-07T14:02:21.671-08:00Santa Claus conquers the Martians 1964 Review<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><b><span style="font-size: large;">Santa Claus Conquers the Martians<o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgron7qzsNIJX0eeO0l9QUj0r5YCplNWCUi_byANzOzdmvwTdTIe5qpH2VOgMQjs4nhmRr37wJYE0zBaJOTnaqdESNvGFhSkuJp1rc0s0O19m4Pdz6onc7QJxt1hh68hSg1LaFAC7JuU623/s1600/santa_claus_conquers_martians_poster_011.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgron7qzsNIJX0eeO0l9QUj0r5YCplNWCUi_byANzOzdmvwTdTIe5qpH2VOgMQjs4nhmRr37wJYE0zBaJOTnaqdESNvGFhSkuJp1rc0s0O19m4Pdz6onc7QJxt1hh68hSg1LaFAC7JuU623/s1600/santa_claus_conquers_martians_poster_011.jpg" height="320" width="212" /></a><span lang="EN-US"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">Beam me up, Rudolph </span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Well, I
woke up this morning and realized it had been a while since I talked to my old
friend ‘reality’, but when I called that tricky mistress she just reminded me
of the massive restraining order she had placed on me ever since I started to
review movies, so here’s to the Christmas spirit: “Santa conquers the Martians”
…in January.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Yes, I’ll
have to apologies once more for my lack of reviews the past weeks, due to pesky
family members and their silly traditions and habits, if you don’t mind, I’m
gonna watch a movie about Martians kidnapping Santa.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Yes,
this little trainwreck of a movie was introduced in 1964, and although the
title is slightly misleading, it does involve space travel with the fatmeister
himself, Santa Claus.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">On Mars
(never a good sign when a review starts with these two words) the Martian children
are obsessed with earth’s broadcasts and culture, especially around Christmas when
the good little boys and girls of earth get all kinds of goodies. The Martian
adults are worried for the wellbeing of their children and decide that the best
way to deal with this issue is to kidnap the fatman and force him to work on
Mars to make toys.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Well, if
you manage to read all that without banging your head against any kind of
surface, you’ll notice that one, Santa doesn’t really conquers anything (well,
technically he does, in a Christmas spirit kind of way), and two, this is in no
way a horror/action or anything that I would normally review, but to be fair, I’m
gonna make an exception for this one just on the name alone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">But yes,
this movie is incredibly silly, but I get the idea that the creators actually
meant for it to be a charming family picture, which makes me feel kind of bad for
them when this movie had me laughing at just how incredibly bad it is. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">At first
I was hoping that they would go at it in a comedic angle, so that when they
come to earth they pick up a mall Santa and highjinx ensue, but they actually kidnaps
the real Santa, and two little annoying brats so the little drool-monsters
watching this mess can identify I guess. And the whole world is in an uproar,
meaning they knew Santa was real, so is this movie meant for children under the
age of four? Well I sure as hell hope not, it’ll scare the living hell out of
them when strange men painted green in thigh spandex and silly hats walk in the
room with their robot made out of tin foil, oh wait, that’s just me and my very
specific and somewhat disturbing phobia.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"> But yes, the props and the effects are bad,
and when I say that, I mean that the kindergarten plays next door looked more
believable. But damn if it isn’t entertaining to watch. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">At some
point in the movie a guy with a long fur coat and a hat slightly resembling
something that might have once been a polar bear costume walks in the set and we’re
actually supposed to believe that it’s a bear? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">But wait
till you see the robot the Martians use to attack the north pole, he came in
the night, two bright lights in the distance and walked toward the large papier-mâché
rocks in all its cardboard glory as I fell to the floor gasping for air so I could
somehow laugh harder. Sweet Jesus, if the props would be an actor, they’d be
Tommy Wiseau, so bad it hurts in all the good places. I want to find the guy
who made the costumes and hand him an award, because god knows we need the
challenged persons to feel good about themselves. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpEnqBZ2n3jc5LuBBsJNty2B5-MSCiEZJhU4u8nfY_6vMsXfCmqQz6bjQcOPMI-9en_4ObcImJPJ0EX9JKJbcQTmQQH4hNYfzyjxA-drhXVkt0JKDvHbNPLa-cLwJWDt-of_-fZEIkshpj/s1600/1356159032-santa2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpEnqBZ2n3jc5LuBBsJNty2B5-MSCiEZJhU4u8nfY_6vMsXfCmqQz6bjQcOPMI-9en_4ObcImJPJ0EX9JKJbcQTmQQH4hNYfzyjxA-drhXVkt0JKDvHbNPLa-cLwJWDt-of_-fZEIkshpj/s1600/1356159032-santa2.jpg" height="242" width="320" /></a><span lang="EN-US">Is Santa
Claus Conquers the Martians any good? Oh god no, but that didn’t stop me from
having fun. It’s a hidden cult classic that manages to do everything wrong and
it’s damn enjoyable to see. You might think it’s strange but I actually do recommend
watching it, then again, I like bad movies as long as they can keep me
entertain. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">So yeah,
give it a watch if you come across it and feel bad for the people that actually
put money into making this movie.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US">And merry Christmas guys, thanks for sticking with me and these silly movies.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Personal
Rating: 6.5/10<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Critical Rating: 2/10</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Things I’ve
learned from “Santa Claus conquers the Martians”:</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- Santa
bear is a 'thing' apparently.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- The
fact that the Martians didn’t even ponder on the question of how Santa was
going to breathe on Mars, let alone not explode smearing giblets of gory joy on
the faces of the little Martian children quickly realizing something might be
wrong, makes me wonder how the hell they even managed to build a spaceship, although
then again, how hard can it be to make one out of cardboard and tin foil.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Loanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17490751090524545662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3076721457318782304.post-70117429516033424322013-12-27T02:27:00.001-08:002013-12-27T02:27:48.939-08:00December Updatehey folks, <br />
I promised I'd let you guys know if there was any delayes on the reviews, so here it is: there will be some delayes in the comming weeks. <br />
yes, who would have thougt I'd fall victim to the thing known as Christmas, but here I am, dragged from my home to a place in the middle of nowehere (also commonly known as Belgium) to spend some time with a sweet old lady that keeps calling me Raoul or Micheal (swear to god I couldn't make it up if I tried). so I'll be without internet for the coming days, and I'm really sorry about that, believe it or not, I had my Christmas review of ''Santa Claus conquers the Martians'' done and ready to go, but expect it in Januari along with the third and fourth instalment of the nightmare on Elm Street.<br />
and if you're asking about the poor quality of this update, both in timing and grammar, i'm sorry to inform that i'm typing all of this on my Phone while hogging the only wifi hotpoint in town like a madman.<br />
See you next year guys, merry Christmas for what it's worth and have a safe new year.<br />
GrimmbreakLoanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17490751090524545662noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3076721457318782304.post-52884733437486600802013-12-21T16:55:00.000-08:002014-05-15T08:16:21.891-07:00A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge 1985 Review<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><b><span style="font-size: large;">A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge</span><o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">Letdown sequel and Freddy’s strange obsession
to get inside teenage boys</span></b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEIOa5oHFuJelfbwVIU2zvd5qEgCseKkqngk_fD54WdLlaTYJbkrLBD8rxTlpDxBBkbICpDkom8welMDCdCjAvf_5GoTciGO66F675fXfBMRJgRbv2BIHk9m-h9tFZE1EFsEXpMWhkigVU/s1600/ANOES2_onesheet-1-500x751.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEIOa5oHFuJelfbwVIU2zvd5qEgCseKkqngk_fD54WdLlaTYJbkrLBD8rxTlpDxBBkbICpDkom8welMDCdCjAvf_5GoTciGO66F675fXfBMRJgRbv2BIHk9m-h9tFZE1EFsEXpMWhkigVU/s400/ANOES2_onesheet-1-500x751.jpg" height="400" width="266" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">And we’re back with the second entry to the 'Nightmare on Elm Street' saga. And with no other than, according to most, the
lowest point in the series, Nightmare on Elm street 2: Freddy’s revenge.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">Produced
only one year after the original nightmare came out, this is the movie that has
fans and critics slamming down their fists in union. But is it as bad as most
say? Well, let’s take a look at the plot.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">Confused
teenager Jesse and his family move to a new house, and it would only be logical
that the house would be the same house where Nancy ‘banished’ the dream demon,
Freddy Kreuger, and she sure did a lousy job of it, because guess who comes knocking
down the walls of Jesse’s dreams? And he wants nothing more than his body for
him to play with while they together replay the shower scene from 'American History X' with Jesse’s gym teacher and some whips…wait did we just stumbled
into a <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtS5ZP-iF7Y" target="_blank">different kind of movie?</a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">Yeah…it’s
gonna get weird, but the gist of it is that dear ol’ Fred wants to take over
this whiny little bratty kid’s body to…murder around I guess? Ok, fist question
here, why does Freddy want to be mortal again? He does know that the last time
he was mortal he got burned harder than Taylor Swift at the VMA’s a few years
back, there’s the obvious fact that he’ll walk around like a guy that has stuck
pancakes to his face, and this time, people will actually be able to waste his
scorched ass. I mean, it’s never explained why he was able to haunt kid’s
dreams and become practically a god within his own realm, but it sounds like a
hell of an upgrade from kiddyfidler groundskeeper to all powerful dream demon
that murders all who sleep.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">Just
seems like a cheap trick have a possession story, but well, beside that gaping
plothole, what else can there be said about this movie? Well, ok, disregarding
the fact that Fred’s got a death wish, why does he want Jesse in particular? He
even says at the beginning that he’s special or something, how is he special?
Was he born under the star of plot convenience when all the BS planets were
aligned? It’s never explained, Jesse’s got a younger sister, why didn’t Fred go
after her? guessing with his past he’d probably think ’the younger the better’,
and kids are much more easily fooled, why didn’t he just show up in her dream
as a giant fluffy bunny or goddamn Justin Bieber or whatever. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">But
no, he wants Jesse, not any other kid in the neighborhood , just him and his
awkward teenage romance with the girl next door.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">Ah
yes, the girlfriend Lisa, played by Kim Myers. She practically carries the
movie in the third act, and why isn’t she the main character of the movie? She has
a much more interesting personality and she is probably the best girlfriend any
one could ever wish for, you start
telling about how you have dreams in which you brutally murder left and right? She
accepts it and actually tries to help. You think you might have a spiritual
connection with a child murderer that has been dead for the better part of the
past decade? She believes you and search for a way to sever the connection. I mean
really, faithful, helpful, cheery, nice and cute as a button? Do girls like
that even exists?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">So
yeah, the story and the protagonist aren’t exactly the strong points of this
movie, so what is?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">Well,
the effects are nice. Sure, they ain’t as good as the first one, shocker there,
but at times they were creative, well, except for when the movie decide to pull
a Hitchcock and redo a scene from “Birds” with an extra kamikaze ending. Seriously,
exploding birds, what the hell where they thinking?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">But
for the rest, I guess credit is due where it is, and some of the effects where
interesting. One of my favorite being at the very beginning where a school bus is
being driven of the road as the landscape changes into a hellish abyss. Pretty neat
scenery, but the whole movie does feel a little cheap. But all that good is
being ruined by the fact that the first movie did everything a tenfold better,
and the things they try to do just seems strange. For example, the entire
movie, Freddy doesn’t have his glove, weird right? The knives just come out of
the fingertips . I first thought it might be because the glove actually plays
in the movie as an object of both rejection and temptation for Jesse, and is
actually a physical object in the real world. But then the vodka started to
slowly dissolve from my brain and I remembered that the glove was also a physical
object in the first movie, where Freddy did have a glove at all times. It might
be a small mistake here and there, but piled up, they do tend to piss off
viewers.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">But
did this movie do anything right? In my opinion it did, I really liked the
Freddy in this movie, it seemed like he had more of a personality, and even though
he wasn’t in the spotlight much, he does get his times worth in the third act,
which gives us a nice rest from our other obnoxious main character <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">But
now we come to the big question, the one that had everyone’s jimmies rusted
when they saw this flick:<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Are
the Homo-erotic undertones of Nightmare on Elm street 2 there by accident or was
this really meant to tackle the subject of homosexual feeling during the coming
of age of adolescence?</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">Well,
there’s no question that some of those undertones were blatant, if I can say
so. Sure I joked about it earlier with my summary of the plot. But to be fair,
this movie deals a lot with sexuality, a lot more than in the first movie,
ironic seeing as that no one actually had sexual intercourse in this movie, while
in the first movie, the act was very much there early on in the movie to set
the stamps on the characters of “the whore” and “the jock”, an almost
ritualistic scene in every slasher movie, and above all, Wes Craven movie, who
would never pass on the chance to have a cliché to then shine an ironic light
on it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">But
the fact that this movie deals more openly on the theme of adolescence and sexuality
is all well and good, but why are the homo-erotic undertones so blatant? But a
better question is, are they really there?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">I believe
that the homophobia of the modern age might have clouded our mind a bit on that
subject, we have been crying wolf for so long that we tend to see them everywhere.
I’ll admit that there are some scenes that are very much ‘gay’, there is no
disputing about that. Like when half awake, Jesse stumbles into a leather bar
and runs into his Gym teacher, who obviously has a ‘Dom’ complex, who makes
Jesse exercise in the middle of the night only to lure him to the showers,
where he gets his own misfortunate encounter with Freddy. There is no question
that this scene was very much ‘gay’, yes. But maybe, and I’m just speculating
here, this scene was meant more as a way for Jesse to overcome his father issues
and fear of school. The strong, masculine, dominating Gym teacher could almost
be a textbook description of how most teenagers saw their own father figures. And
the fact that Freddy , through Jesse, actually serves what he deems a ‘just
reward’ only proves Jesse’s own obsession with his revolting nature against his
own father who is actually a very strict masculine figure. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">There
are many more questionable scenes, such as Jesse’s disgust toward the act of
coitus with Lisa, but what most seem to miss is why he is revolted. In the
scene Jesse and Lisa are getting it on in a private room at a party, when
suddenly Jesse’s tongue turns into a misshaped mess of flesh as he was about to
use it on her bosoms, which forces our wimpy protagonist to run away in fear to
seek comfort at his bro’s house. This was seen by many as very proving of the
undertones of the movie. But lost in translation is actually a much deeper
scene than that. The fact that Jesse is disgusted in himself, and not Lisa, seems
to actually show us that Jesse suffers from a ‘Hedgehog dilemma complex’ rather
than homosexual urges. He is not disgusted by the female body, but is actually
afraid of hurting Lisa was he ever to get this close to her.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">So
is this movie as Avant-guard in homosexual movement for the slasher genre as
everyone is saying? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">No,
I’m not saying that the gay undertones aren't there, because they are. But I think
it comes more from the lack of direction from the director’s part rather than
actual intent.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">So
with all this said and done, is this movie any good? Well, it makes for an
interesting tale about coming to terms with adolescence by having a demon
literally taking over your body, but it makes for an horrible sequel to Nightmare
on Elm Street. But I still don’t think it’s deserving of all the hate it’s
getting.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Personal
rating: 5/10<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Critical
rating: 4/10</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Things
I’ve learned from ‘A Nightmare on Elm Street 2, Freddy’s Revenge’</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">- The
‘Revenge’ part is pretty played down, although the kill count is pretty damn
high.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">-
Jesse’s performance in his bedroom of ‘Touch me’ was still better than Miley Cyrus
at the VMA’s.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">- Exploding
birds invading other movies than ‘Birdemic’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="EN-US">-
When a dude breaks into your room in the middle of the night, jumps on you while
you’re in bed and put his hand over your mouth while saying that there is
something trying to get inside his body so he want to sleep next to you, your
reaction shouldn't be calmly giving him relationship advise, no matter the
bro-mance<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgg1dT6vIRcxz26FU3qNeV8Rs5LW3pTJ0ii_7AbgtGbElY8onyC4DnSJ1s52OP5qd-1QYX92H6nRr6E-dB-U6doVDu_ci2j9StbpjaUpwzwe31M3Nvlm7BuZ0H8OXqpfiqkB8F089SmV_rT/s1600/fk.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgg1dT6vIRcxz26FU3qNeV8Rs5LW3pTJ0ii_7AbgtGbElY8onyC4DnSJ1s52OP5qd-1QYX92H6nRr6E-dB-U6doVDu_ci2j9StbpjaUpwzwe31M3Nvlm7BuZ0H8OXqpfiqkB8F089SmV_rT/s320/fk.jpg" height="320" width="252" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Freddy’s
Kill count: <o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>14<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Best
Kill in this movie: <o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Exploding
birds<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Best
Kill so far:</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Blood
geyser </b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Loanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17490751090524545662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3076721457318782304.post-1243125287912226692013-12-15T05:52:00.003-08:002013-12-15T06:24:04.533-08:00A Nightmare on Elm Street 1984 review<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>A Nightmare
on Elm Street</b></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Edward scissor
hands on acid<o:p></o:p></b></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><br /></b></span></span>
<span lang="EN-US">A yes,
Wes Craven and his strange fixation to deconstruct the ‘Slasher’ genre. His most
notorious achievement in that field that would later become his opus moderandi would be no other than 1996’s “Scream”, but
did you know that nightmare on Elm street was originally meant to be an
anti-slasher? Believe it or not, one of the most famous face in slasher history
was meant to end the entire genre, but it all backfired and Freddy Krueger’s
nightmare became what pretty much saved the knife wielding drunken teenagers slumber
party killing world.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhACzmZkjdH1mReZK7hb1-ooQkAet4tOOPPfg06watBK01__B3yDRdmk7PHYkCWWwrrBEtX01-3rW0w7FUh5gfUB87H5MI8JejIiB7bRbt4GdOxNTaUw_uAB9KGMvo1amON0NXCHG-D83Ry/s1600/a-nightmare-on-elm-street-poster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="238" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhACzmZkjdH1mReZK7hb1-ooQkAet4tOOPPfg06watBK01__B3yDRdmk7PHYkCWWwrrBEtX01-3rW0w7FUh5gfUB87H5MI8JejIiB7bRbt4GdOxNTaUw_uAB9KGMvo1amON0NXCHG-D83Ry/s320/a-nightmare-on-elm-street-poster.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span>
It also
comes to mind that I should do a review on Friday the 13’th, seeing as it was
two days ago, but I couldn't be bothered. You want a short review of that
movie? Here it is, it’s hella boring and disappointing for the reason Scream
spoils in the first five minutes of its movie, and don’t give me that crap “But
you saw him at the end of the movie on that boat” well tippy doe and call me Dorothy,
cuz I’m tipping down the yellow brick road and beating the wicked witch of the
east to death with her broom. When we want to see a zombie behemoth man-child
murdering a bunch of helpless teenagers, the movie shouldn’t blueball us like
that only to show us that it was a guy at the other end of the glory hole. At least
the sequels had all kind of awesome adventures, like going to the hood or into
the bloody spacefuture.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">What was
I speaking of before I got lost in camp crystal lake? Ah yes, A nightmare on
Elm street, the original nightmare. I got the whole collection a few days ago
and thought, well, why not review the entire saga? So expect the whole month of
December to be Freddy related, with a very special something unrelated on Christmas.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Nancy
and her friends all seen to be plagued by the same nightmare, a man in a green
and red coat and a brown hat with knives at his fingertips trying to turn them
into shish kebab. But as they try to have a sleepover in hope that the
nightmare will stop, things go awfully wrong as the nightmare becomes reality. Their
parents and the whole town seems to know more that they are letting on, and as
the kids begin to drop like flies, it’s up to Nancy to find a way to fight this
monster, because you know, it’s not like it’s the cops job or anything, who are
as useful in this movie as water at a Russian party.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">This movie
is amazing, for one, Robert Englund kills it as Freddy Krueger. It’s definitely
one of his trademark roles and one fans loved for years. The rest of the actors
do a solid job for the most part and it’s always hilarious to see a pre-famous Johnny
Depp. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">The imagery
and the effects are some of the best for the time, the fact that a great chunk
of the movie happens in dreams gives the art department a whole lot to play
with, and play they did. The sets, especially the well-known ‘boiler room’,
which is a the realm that Freddy creates as his own personal hunting ground,
looks amazing, although there is still work for improvements here and there. And
the effects are some of the craziest and mind-blowing that wasn’t meant to be perceived
by the human mind at that time. Some of them even creep me out, after 31
years most of it still holds up perfectly.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">If a had
one gripe with the movie, it would probably be Freddy himself, or better said,
what his reputation made him out to be. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Freddy,
Chucky and Ash are probably my favorite horror icons, simply because they are
quick to the gun and have a whole lot of humor in what they do. I’m not really
a fan of the quite, slow walking murder machines, like Jason or Myers. I prefer
my crazy psychopath’s with some bite. And even though I hate to admit it, the Freddy
of the original nightmare on Elm street didn’t have much personality. But then
again, they didn’t really know what they were going to do with him and probably
never expected to be such a success. So in the end it’s not really a flaw but
rather a character that hasn’t yet been developed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">And although
the movie can be a bit slow at times, it always surprises you with a dream
sequence you didn’t even know you were in.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Overall great
movie, amazing effects, solid acting, especially on Englund’s side. Definitely worth
a watch, or multiple even. See you in part 2, Freddy’s revenge.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Personal rating: 8.5/10</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Critical rating: 9/10</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Things I’ve
learned from ‘A Nightmare On Elm Street’:</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- All it
takes to turn a upper privilege white girl into John Rambo is a lunatic who
disrupts her beauty sleep.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- Johnny
Depp’s body contains enough blood to fill the red sea, no wonder the rum was
always gone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- Also,
his jar of dirt didn’t save him this time either.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- The
fact that Freddy Krueger is a well-known child murderer and possibly molester, doesn’t
stop the internet of writing <a href="https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9709433/1/Fred-s-demon" target="_blank">romantic fanfic about him</a>. If you don’t mind, I’m
gonna scrub the filth of my eyes with sandpaper.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheww4rAwWIQTnL5RXO3-KeJGWjT9Hg8NKh0IPYvNi5yTAcwm05SzblDyviZzR8hv8nF8HHCxnirLYPnEvM1XdnshP2v29ml8bVCvytLKrplkKB0t1qw1ZsiLB8_Pk5SkYU7i70PHdVPXe4/s1600/fk.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheww4rAwWIQTnL5RXO3-KeJGWjT9Hg8NKh0IPYvNi5yTAcwm05SzblDyviZzR8hv8nF8HHCxnirLYPnEvM1XdnshP2v29ml8bVCvytLKrplkKB0t1qw1ZsiLB8_Pk5SkYU7i70PHdVPXe4/s320/fk.jpg" width="252" /></a><span lang="EN-US"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Freddy’s
kill-count: </b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">4 kills<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Best kill
so far:</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Blood geyser <o:p></o:p></span></div>
Loanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17490751090524545662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3076721457318782304.post-75186847022847650082013-12-06T07:07:00.001-08:002013-12-07T03:00:22.326-08:00Sint 2010 Review<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Sint</b></span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span lang="EN-US">Bloodshed
and </span>Pepernoten</span></b><span lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCb96LUND3sdl3J_8si5tAEQFp8apRmBPjEeibyeFKGbaV5kLfuewTH0ZkVVO6_mUjCesoGbzMRmCLD800wqMomO4sk4O-fRZDKMQOkKqWgPC8ojW074w9AD9-doXOaB8ySUnR9FEJ5Z_X/s1600/sint.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCb96LUND3sdl3J_8si5tAEQFp8apRmBPjEeibyeFKGbaV5kLfuewTH0ZkVVO6_mUjCesoGbzMRmCLD800wqMomO4sk4O-fRZDKMQOkKqWgPC8ojW074w9AD9-doXOaB8ySUnR9FEJ5Z_X/s320/sint.PNG" width="234" /></a><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Aww
yeah, time to get some culture up in this b8tch.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">For those
of you who don’t know, I live in the northern European country of Holland,
where the weather’s sh8t and the potheads are many. As much as I sometimes
dislike the country and its lack of mountains, genuine eatable food, horrible
driving habit and overall simply retarded government, if there’s one thing I’m grateful
for, it’s the extra holydays (and the beer is also worth mentioning). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Seriously,
there are so many holydays in this country, it’s impossible to count, the Dutch
don’t drop their pants without taking the day off to celebrate. You’ve got the
day big J was born, the day he died, the
day he rose up again, the day he went up to heaven, the day he got his first
beer. Hell, they even have a holyday named “Koninginnedag” (admit it kinda sounds like a <a href="http://img17.imageshack.us/img17/4681/immortalcc9.gif" target="_blank">Norwegian deathmetal band</a>), but I dare you to find anyone who actually knows what the hell
they are celebrating.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">But one
of these Holyday’s is on the fifth of December called “Sinterklaas”, where an
anorexic Santa gets of his cruise ship with his countless racial offensive ‘helpers’
and goes around scaring the hell out of your kids and throwing candy to your
face that taste like a camel’s a88 covered in spices.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">But technically,
it’s exactly the same as Christmas(an holyday the Dutch also celebrates 20 days
later), except Santa put down his slim Jim and the elves are literal 18e
century slaves who brings presents to all little good boys and girls, which
instead of putting them under a tree, they proceed to cram into their wooden
shoes because the concept of actually being able to walk was optional in
Holland.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">So of
course, in 2010, someone thought it was a great idea to copy “Santa Slay” and
give our friendly bearded friend a makeover, said genius was Dick Maas, who
also made a movie about a killer elevator that was awesome and that I definitely
recommend ( ‘De Lift’) , but who now makes movies about killer festivities, how
low one can fall…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">So in
the spirit of December, and one day after Sinterklaas, let’s take a look at the
Dutch horror fest: Sint,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">It’s 5 December
once again it the great capital of the Rastafarian worldwide, Amsterdam, and
everyone is busy preparing for yet another holyday. Well, except for detective
Hoekstra, although he is also preparing but in his own way, which involves a
surprising amount of firepower, because he know that if there is a full moon on
the fifth of November, the friendly saint Nicholas, who was a ruthless child
kidnapping pirate back in the days, will set port with his nightmarish ship and
his army of the death to murder, pillage and burn the city to the ground. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">And as
the full moon is just about to rise on this faithful night, we follow a desperate
attempt to stop this massacre by Hoekstra and other soon to be dead underperformed
teenagers.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Lost ya
didn’t I? it’s probably around this point that you’ve come to wonder “pirates,
ghostship, undead army, is this the Dutch Pirates of the Caribbean??”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">And unfortunately
I’ll have to answer no, although I’m sure Depp would make this movie quite interesting,
the whole pirates thing is pretty easily overshadowed when you see an undead St
Nicholas riding on rooftops with his horse to escape the cops. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5C58yjIdkKZULd_s0DYPk8GCoElxtYHTkkRkkXFSrtd49x9gf5dmpYns6lj_8DqQlKlpGOu9hTr3pYUIrVAVoe7tKbODZPjkp6lrWqk-mRji16830-hyIKL6Xsc2g8Mw-6LGdpFx1j6be/s1600/nicksick.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="178" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5C58yjIdkKZULd_s0DYPk8GCoElxtYHTkkRkkXFSrtd49x9gf5dmpYns6lj_8DqQlKlpGOu9hTr3pYUIrVAVoe7tKbODZPjkp6lrWqk-mRji16830-hyIKL6Xsc2g8Mw-6LGdpFx1j6be/s320/nicksick.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">And before
you ask, is this movie mean to be silly, yes. Oh yes it is, but that doesn’t
mean it can’t have some great scares here and there.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">The acting’s
bearable, for the most part at least, the main teenager is a tad bit annoying at
times and everybody seems to be reading lines instead of trying to give life to
a character, but eh, I had my expectation lowered when I heard about this movie
anyway.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">The atmosphere
in the later acts of this movie are great but I still feel like the ending
just kinda happened, very little build up, no real feel of urgency, just disappointing
and rushed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">But really
it’s not about the characters or the story, it’s about seeing St Nick coming to
town killing and maiming and being an all-around badass, and then leaving ,
kind of a simple summary for the whole movie I guess, and while it lasted, I kind
of liked it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">But the
biggest problem I fear for ‘Sint’ is the language and cultural barrier, which
for non-Netherlanders can be kinda hard to pull trough. As far as I know there
isn’t a dub, so if any non-Dutch want to give it a try, brace yourselves, <a href="http://1morecastle.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/Scanners.gif" target="_blank">it can be rough</a>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">So at
the end of the day, is it worth watching? Well, it’s as good as one would
expect. But I’m not so sure that’s a compliment…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Personal
rating: 6/10<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Critical
rating: 4.5/10</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Things I’ve
learned from “Sint”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- Did
they just blow up all those kids at the end?? HOW IS THIS A GOOD THING??<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- Zombie
ninja pirates are awesome at stealing yo kidz</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="text-align: center;">- Cops
are d8cks</span></div>
<br />Loanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17490751090524545662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3076721457318782304.post-50307361825000177112013-11-30T15:47:00.001-08:002013-12-06T04:44:56.220-08:00The Refrigerator 1991 Review<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjWU2yCpiM27lHhd0LZ7PZOlnLELug9WEzpN6dSnv1YufUgPAT4TJAxHMuPXSBvscXbFPzNfQ7Uw_gs9aWdnDqWSreRlmqMzsqU8lJovNxrwZEJ4KK_897wnT2KUHE6iPCcADP_LtTEc-R/s1600/220px-TheRefrigerator1991Film.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjWU2yCpiM27lHhd0LZ7PZOlnLELug9WEzpN6dSnv1YufUgPAT4TJAxHMuPXSBvscXbFPzNfQ7Uw_gs9aWdnDqWSreRlmqMzsqU8lJovNxrwZEJ4KK_897wnT2KUHE6iPCcADP_LtTEc-R/s400/220px-TheRefrigerator1991Film.jpg" width="216" /></a><span lang="EN-US"><b><span style="font-size: large;">The Refrigerator</span></b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Attack of the kitchen appliances
from hell</b></span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">You know
those movies, where the name and the premise is half the fun? Like killer klown
from outer space or return of the killer tomatoes?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Yeah, so
here’s a movie about a killer fridge from hell, do with that information whatever
you want.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Released
in 1991, this weird thing I’m unsure to call a movie or a bad joke someone made on a
late Saturday night after a whiskey intoxication, is brought to us by Nicholas
Jacobs, who unfortunately never really did anything else worthwhile.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">A movie
about a killer fridge, *sight* seems like just yesterday that I used to review
normal movies…wait, I never did review a movie based on any plane of normality,
why am I complaining??<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span>
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span>
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Ilene
and Michael Bateman (not sure if it’s a reference to the book American Psycho,
seen as it was published in the same year this movie came out), a young and ambitious
couple decide to buy a place in the less rat infested parts of new York, little
do they know that their refrigerator has a minor case of the satanz and goes
around munching on unimportant extra’s during it’s free time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">But it
seems Michael is getting more and more
willing to listen to the little people living in his fridge telling him to kill
his wife as the movie goes on, and yes, I wish I could make sh8t like this up
as I go along. But thankfully, Ilene gets help from the greatest man
alive, Super-plumber Juan, who with his pornstash and epic dancing skills
manages to even give Bruce Campbell a run for his money. My god is that man awesome.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">So what
is there to say about this movie? Besides that it’s about a fridge that goes ballistic
that is. Well, I guess you can say it’s about the fear of committing, as Ilene
and Michael seem to take each other for granted and their relationship slowly
start to break down to the simple factor of mistrust, or you could say it’s
about a GODAMN KILLER FRIDGE FROM HELL THAT EATS PEOPLE.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Seriously,
do I need to say more? People, there is a motion picture in which a refrigerator
eats a man whole by comically opening and shutting it’s door. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">I guess I
could talk about the needless dialogue or the plot that gets crammed in there too
tight like it’s trying to overshadow the killer fridge, like the constant
flashbacks from Ilene about her youth that ends up going, guess where? Nowhere at
all of course!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">I mean
we get scenes upon scenes of her childhood trauma that all ends up in a big fat
cry and f8ck all else. No character motivation, just the super plumber and his
unusual good people skills (I’m serious, I can’t find a single flaw with this
guy).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">But there
are some great scenes, I’ll give this cheap movie that much, there is a scene
that just might be the best moment in cinematography of all time. I mean
really, how can you even start to top a scene in which a depressed workaholic husband
wakes up in the middle of the night with a smile that would put the Cheshire
cat to shame just to say: “I am the wafflemaker!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">I tip my
hat off to you “The Refrigerator”, you have out random’d me mister, may the
blessing of the great space homophobic squirrel lord go with you.</span><br />
<span lang="EN-US">
but all joking aside, this movie is silly, really silly. Maybe not in the way
that 'Robo-Geisha' is silly in a self-acknowledged way, but more based on the
premise, while the movie tries it’s darn hardest to pass a serious story about
a troubled falling apart couple that just so happen to have a killer doorway to
hell located in their fridge, and also the best plumber I’ve ever seen,
seriously, I can’t get over this guy, I think I have a bro-crush.</span></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGLbuD9852LKgWkGVOWh0ckLcJ2Vp1OeHCt3FV39K1sGPZJ56XikK4jghRTZtTy-7AQG2olZRnqM28bjWxI9qTogSDvAZpLAWL-tZVT1WPX9yR0rP7eX9cY99eUHIX_g2zuMhbfCFtTQSY/s1600/vlcsnap-2010-11-25-01h35m22s1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="217" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGLbuD9852LKgWkGVOWh0ckLcJ2Vp1OeHCt3FV39K1sGPZJ56XikK4jghRTZtTy-7AQG2olZRnqM28bjWxI9qTogSDvAZpLAWL-tZVT1WPX9yR0rP7eX9cY99eUHIX_g2zuMhbfCFtTQSY/s320/vlcsnap-2010-11-25-01h35m22s1.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>Death by fridge, now I've seen everything</b></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">So should
you watch this movie?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Yes, as
a matter of fact, you owe it to yourself to see this movie, simply because you’ll
then be able to brag to your friends that you've seen everything. But really,
it’s kinda slow and a lot of story goes nowhere, but at least you’ll see a guy
gets eaten by a fridge, that’s something I guess.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Personal rating: 6.5/10</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<b>Critical rating: 4.5/10</b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Things I’ve
learned from “The refrigerator”:</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- I knew
living in New York was tough, but damn.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- Good
names don’t make good movies<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- Plumbers
are awesome, bonus points for the mustache<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- When
little people inside you fridge start telling you how to live your life, it’s
time to put down the waffle maker belt and seek some help.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- Can’t
wait for “the mixer of doom” or “The little toaster massacre"</span><br />
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span>
<span lang="EN-US">[special award] </span><br />
<span lang="EN-US">Greatest moment in cinema history:</span><br />
<span lang="EN-US"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5z4B2h1KfWg" target="_blank">The Wafflemaker</a></span></div>
Loanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17490751090524545662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3076721457318782304.post-15069656891828455262013-11-22T16:17:00.001-08:002013-11-22T16:23:51.603-08:00Brainscan 1994 Review<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggJqGfkuvpiDRxmDkjMGQRmE1UaJx1S5uBHiBbEDCRoyBysPPwjy3MaMK7_T0z2PO3NvhxgusuNDQ46KL-PIzca5ZaXDy4vYwl2-9mC-YPouVUa4R_gfIpErxMvbUU3Xmxnp0omshLJ-fD/s1600/1994-Brainscan-Poster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggJqGfkuvpiDRxmDkjMGQRmE1UaJx1S5uBHiBbEDCRoyBysPPwjy3MaMK7_T0z2PO3NvhxgusuNDQ46KL-PIzca5ZaXDy4vYwl2-9mC-YPouVUa4R_gfIpErxMvbUU3Xmxnp0omshLJ-fD/s320/1994-Brainscan-Poster.jpg" width="215" /></a><b><span style="font-size: large;">Brainscan</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
Pre Virtual-Boy of doom</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">I get
the distinctive idea that people in the 90’s saw us gamers as a bunch of
psychopaths waiting to snap, then again, here we have “Brainscan”, a flag
holder for worried mommies all over the nation blaming anything but their own
parental skills for their kids sudden homicidal tendencies.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">A movie
about a violent video game in the 90’s? my my, this sounds interesting.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Brought to
us in 1994, a glorious year for us gorehounds, this little movie tackles the
question of how far one is willing to fall to erase the consequences of a
remorseless act.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">So let’s
go back to a time where the SEGA CD was still a ‘thing’ and figure out why
video games are apparently the devil incarnated.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Peeping tom
extraordinaire sixteen years old Micheal finds time between his voyeurism sessions
and chillaxing like a baller with his typical ”far out dude!” bro to try the
game everyone is talking about, Brainscan, a game that is played directly with
your brain. Unfortunately after having finished the first disc and mission,
that involved sneaking into some poor sod’s house and going Norman Bates on his
ass, Michael realizes that the game seems to have consequences in the real
world, and he finds himself screwed when the police don’t buy his puppy dog
eyes alibi. Even worse, a strange entity follows him around calling himself “the
trickster” to make his life a living hell and force him to continue playing,
acting like Micheal’s conscience forcing him to take care of the witnesses and erase
his tracks. All while we witness the poor little Micheal make time to ask the
girl next door out and Micheal’s best friend recreate dialogue from ‘Bill and
Ted’s excellent adventure’.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">As Micheal
continues playing and digs his grave deeper and deeper, reality starts to shift
as Trickster makes the game more and more difficult and detective Mc-coldface abnormally
good intuitions lead him to his murderer.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirk1Q_RU4glohWIVP9uh36q8xtPE-hk9cmJgWKqYr5irORetoi2qBRH4Ts4cJz0Xl9ttsa9KdrzSLUD-3mp40nAaniGpTsIfhgxftV8D7dv_ttvsZDyQnpJ7x7_f_8_MTMKelCuEKn9PGT/s1600/Knipsel.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="202" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirk1Q_RU4glohWIVP9uh36q8xtPE-hk9cmJgWKqYr5irORetoi2qBRH4Ts4cJz0Xl9ttsa9KdrzSLUD-3mp40nAaniGpTsIfhgxftV8D7dv_ttvsZDyQnpJ7x7_f_8_MTMKelCuEKn9PGT/s320/Knipsel.PNG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>can't tell if his face says<br />"Let's play some super smash brawl" <br />or "<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9gLN3QoN-q8" target="_blank">Squeal like a little piggy!</a>"</b></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Okay,
let’s get this out of the way, I frigging love this movie. Maybe strange seeing
as that in my review of “<a href="http://grimmbreakreviews.blogspot.nl/2013/07/satans-little-helper-review.html" target="_blank">Satan’s little helper</a>” I criticized it for shining
such a negative light on gamers. But in this movie the subject is approached in
a much more mature angle. Sure Micheal and his friend are obsessed by horror movies
simply for the gore and will play any game with blood in it, and above all
doesn't even question the idea of playing a game where the main objective is to
perform ruthless homicidal acts for the Lulz</span>.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
But the real question this movie
asks is: how far is someone gonna go if they believe that their acts are
without consequence. Which is a really good and interesting subject regarding the
human psychology and the sick dark place that lurks in the human creativity.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">So do I like
the story? Yes, it’s a murder case with
a bit of a supernatural angle and seen from the perspective of the killer. The message
is maybe a little too preachy for me, video games are violent and so on, but
let’s remember that it was a very difficult time then, and the idea of blaming something
new was simpler than looking at the truth. The questions the movie asks are
interesting and it’s an entertaining situation to watch our protagonist get out
of. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">The characters
were all right for the most part, the kid that played Micheal did a good job,
and the Trickster is damn entertaining to see. He’s the kind of devil you could
have a good laugh with and that could kill you the next moment, all while
abusing your house with his questionable feeding habits. I’ll admit that the
Trickster is probably the main reason why you should watch this movie, a
strange sadistic entity that forces you to continue murdering with as leverage
the fear of getting caught? What’s not to love?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">And off
course we are treated to pre-perfection 90’s CGI and some great practical
effects.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">The CGI
is actually pretty interesting, at time it’s your average 90’s lightning effects,
but sometime it seems like they add a painted effect to some of the morphing
effects on the Trickster, which give a pretty interesting combination of pre
CGI and other canvas techniques. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">I really
recommend this movie, the story’s good and the ending always makes me laugh. For
anyone looking for a cheezy 90’s horror/gore movie with a good twist, I promise
you won’t be disappointed, if you don’t mind the teenage drama sprinkled here
and there.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<b>Personal rating: 8,5/10</b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Critical rating: 7/10</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">T<b>hing I’ve
learned from “Brainscan”:</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">-Damn,
so SEGA was evil back in the days, who knew, well, apart from those who know
about sonic.EXE I guess.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- Didn’t
know the <a href="http://31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mbu6w423o51r3ifxzo1_500.gif" target="_blank">Goblin King</a> and the <a href="http://grizzlybomb.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/LeprechaunRidingInWheelchair.gif" target="_blank">Leprechaun</a> had a kid, good to know he went into
the gaming industry, instead of kidnapping babies or murdering one sixth of the cast of ‘Friends’.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">-Man, I want
Micheal’s room. Kid’s got a own electronic butler named Igor. All I got as a
kid was a pet lizard I had to catch on my own.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
-Who
else thinks that “horror movie club” is the best idea for a high school since forcing
girls into miniskirts?</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
Loanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17490751090524545662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3076721457318782304.post-50275466558038557272013-11-16T06:48:00.001-08:002013-11-22T16:19:29.540-08:00Motor Home Massacre 2005 Review<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b>Motorhome
Massacre<o:p></o:p></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><b>Because
“trailer park of horror” was already taken</b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpTjDtlT2T8lprx8j2l6onGSITXTlxy08_0wd80sGdLukbqt2w_GRIT6pi6lcp7uKkh8QktMVmgP_sdaVcnf-Nvj3KWrcl8KpplkXidIr7xoAxJ9MGG3pQwyffq5TbtX3QN4Qo0AK01RS0/s1600/g74ayHu3R9p4XyUrkLAarDbOTH6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpTjDtlT2T8lprx8j2l6onGSITXTlxy08_0wd80sGdLukbqt2w_GRIT6pi6lcp7uKkh8QktMVmgP_sdaVcnf-Nvj3KWrcl8KpplkXidIr7xoAxJ9MGG3pQwyffq5TbtX3QN4Qo0AK01RS0/s320/g74ayHu3R9p4XyUrkLAarDbOTH6.jpg" width="226" /></a></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">What do
you get if you give a redneck a camcorder? <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">You mean
apart from the tons of hilarious videos of them doing stupid sh8t as a result
of their intoxication on tasteless scotch? Well, </span>there’s also the fact that one
of them might get the idea stuck in his
thick head that he wants to make a movie. And thus, we end up with Motor Home
Massacre, I’m sure the stereotypical redneck is highly exaggerate, but movies
like these keep slapping me in the face with the cold hard fact that they just
might be all too true.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Brought
to us in 2005 by an amateur movie director Allan Wilbanks, this shot on
crackmera violent schmuck flew right under the radar for, well, more than
obvious reasons.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Seeing
from the title, an obvious parody of a much better movie, it will come as no
surprise that this movie takes itself as seriously as Charles Mason giving Ed
Gain a piggy back ride on a peace rally.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">But what
else can be said about this one and a half hours’ worth of brain cells
holocaust? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Well,
quite a lot actually.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Seven
teenagers decide to take a motorhome to the middle of nowhere and have a good time,
little do they know that they are about to embark in a tale filled with every
single cliché in the book, creepy store clerk telling them about a horrible
series of murders in the area, check, picking up an hitchhiker along the way,
check, dumb blonds getting what’s coming to them, check.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Yes, the
group gets harassed by an unknown killer, who picks them up one by one and
kills them in brutal and cheesy ways, but the real question is: what did you
expect from a movie called ‘motor home massacre’? you know it’s a bunch of
idiots in a motorhome getting Jason-Voorhees’D.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">So is
this movie any good? Well the short answer would be no, the long answer would
be that this movie doesn’t just fail as a horror, but also as a parody, which
is a shame really. They had all the cliches, all the cheesy effects, but they
just didn’t use them to their advantage, only one scene of five seconds made me
laugh near the end throughout the entire movie, and it was all based on a guy
looking down at his newly found amputation and saying “damn” with such
nonchalance like he just had stepped in a dog turd on his way to the mall.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">But apart
from that one scene, nothing really stands out, all the actors seems to have
gone to the Nic cage school of acting, which sounds pretty cool, but it really
works on your nerves after a while.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">The effects
were okay, if noting a little cheap, but then again, we’re talking about motor
home massacre here. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">And now
the soundtrack, oh god the soundtrack. I swear to god, if I ever hear the song ‘Truck
lovin’man’ one more time I’m gonna personally find whoever decided to put this
wretched thing in any motion picture and shove my foot so far up his a** he’ll
be shitting boots for the rest of his life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Apart from
that horrid song, the rest of the soundtrack sounds like a emo band trying to
slit their wrists with their instruments. Well, that’s what I thought of the soundtrack until the mother of all misplaced great song found its way
into this little mess of a movie. Skin-dropped by buttonhook(the first credit
song), my god does that gem of a song have nothing to do in a movie like this, unfortunately
due to the failure of this movie’s success, that song and that band are harder
to find than <a href="http://www.advantage-designs.biz/VidBoxSlideShow/MoviesDonMade/Kazaam-frnt.jpg" target="_blank">Shaq’s movie career</a>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">So is
this movie worth watching? Probably not, unless if you’re into awkward sex
scenes and kindergarten-level dialogue. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Personal
rating: 4/10<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Critical
rating: 3/10</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span>
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span>
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b>Things I've learned from "Motor home massacre":</b><br />
- Dating
someone who has the voice of Satan might not have been a good idea in
hindsight.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- The
cops are d8cks in this movie, forcing a group of teenagers to stay in the same
woods where there has been a murder? Why not give them giant neon signs with
“fresh meat” on them while you’re at it.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">-
Slasher killers are the best mechanics <o:p></o:p></span></div>
Loanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17490751090524545662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3076721457318782304.post-23856412137666639692013-11-14T13:37:00.002-08:002013-11-14T13:39:54.099-08:00I'm Back!<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">That’s
right, after a short unplanned absence from this blog I finally have some time
for myself again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">First
off, I’d like to apologies for my lack of reviews the past few weeks, and for
not mentioning or warning you all for the upcoming lack of attention. But from
now on, I’ve decided to keep a strict agenda, and I promise at least one review
each week. I’m not sure of the day yet, and how to deal with the possible
delay, but we’ll figure something out, won’t we?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
Grimmbreak</div>
Loanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17490751090524545662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3076721457318782304.post-91468317555703640572013-10-20T15:41:00.002-07:002013-10-20T15:43:56.834-07:00It's Alive 2008<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLlHV8k2SKfWVRZ6Wuk1FTu_oFqUVHgglyK4hWwXBVESJyyopfNC7B61_rw-fCBI6uJK_8PvziXtnuTX3Rc8gtYtlNGLuHghshemTfWuHzRlB9kCZhYOv8w_ZwC7A6p7PExgzhObjHjrji/s1600/7fe8dffeefce.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLlHV8k2SKfWVRZ6Wuk1FTu_oFqUVHgglyK4hWwXBVESJyyopfNC7B61_rw-fCBI6uJK_8PvziXtnuTX3Rc8gtYtlNGLuHghshemTfWuHzRlB9kCZhYOv8w_ZwC7A6p7PExgzhObjHjrji/s320/7fe8dffeefce.jpg" width="226" /></a><span lang="EN-US"><b><span style="font-size: large;">It’s Alive</span><o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">the
greatest condom commercial of all times, next to Gary Busey. </span></b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">We've
seen it all, haven’t we? Killer robots, giant spiders, giant robot spiders,
zombies, psychopaths, clowns from outer space, ghosts, pissed off elves,
maniac leprechauns, killer vagina’s, sharkpedo’s and even goddamn Santa clause
seems to have gone homicidal, so really it was only a matter of time before we
came across a killer baby.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Yes
people, a killer baby indeed. Because apparently the only thing you need to
make a movie is half a braincell and the ability to point your finger at a
random word in the dictionary, two if you’re feeling fancy, and in this case
the lucky words of the day were: Shut the hell up and watch this baby rip this
guy’s head of for some reason.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Although
saying that the writers of this little mess had the idea all by themselves
would be putting too much faith in them, it’s actually a remake. A remake of a
movie I’ve never seen. Reviewing a remake without having seen the original?
This sounds promising.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">So
what’s this movie about? A rabbit finds a baby kangaroo and together they go on
an epic quest to find the letter Q. it’s about a killer baby dammit! I’m pretty
sure you can fill in the blanks. Mother has child, child is the spawn of Satan
and kills people in all its CGI glory while the mother looks at him in her
useless self, whispering ”That’s a good boy, my sweetheart needs a bath, it
looks like you've got some Mr Wilkins on you” and the father is too busy doing
f8ck all off screen to bother with the fact that his week old son has rounded
up the population of the town to compete with the numbers of good
books written by Stephenie Meyers…so to zero pretty much for those out there
that though ‘the short second life of bland blander’ was ‘barable’.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">All
right, so is this movie any good? Well it might come as a shocker but no, really
not. Although I am completely behind the idea of a homicidal infant, I’ll have
to go with the little voice in my head and say this movie is proper crap.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Why?
Well for one, the characters make no sense, the dad is never around and when he
finally decide to show his face on set he is as useful as tits on a nun, but
that’s at least better than the mother character. I get the whole “motherly
love”, but when you’re kid start bringing dead animals home and eat them, I say
it’s a good moment to call some help, and hopefully a priest…and an AK47 just
in case. (And if the priest “<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p7xN3Z7890o" target="_blank">kicks ass for the lord</a>”, all the better)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">She is
utterly unobvious to the fact that her child is the f8ing resurrection of
Patrick Bateman mixed with Ed Gain and a safe dose of goddamn crazy, and when
she finally start suspecting something, she does nothing except washing the blood
from her friends off her baby. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">But the
biggest of all flaws is the missed opportunities, for one: you have a movie
called “It’s alive” and not a single Frankenstein’s reference? I’d even settle
for a shot of Boris Karloff walking in the background, just saying.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">And two,
and probably most important, having a kid in a wheelchair and not getting
creative with it. I mean, in an all-white horror movie, a wheelchair bound character
is basically a giant rolling neon sign saying: “gonna die horribly in a really twisted
way”. And guess what, the kid doesn't die, he doesn't even get a scratch on
him. When the movie “DOOM” does something better, it’s time to take your movie
on a date and rethink your marriage. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">The effects
are laughable, and not in a good way. All CGI, not a single practical effect, except
for the blood that looks as believable as spilling kool aid over your
buddies. The dialogue is silly at best and the movie takes itself way too
serious. If it was trying to be funny I’d give the effects a free pass and see
it as a silly little mess rather than a complete train wreck. The story is predictable
and feels incomplete, why is that kid a monster? Never explained, so here’s the
theory I came up after a half bottle of vodka with my friend from ‘<a href="http://ahorrordiary.blogspot.nl/" target="_blank">a horror diary</a>’, Melanie: this movie is actually child play 4, Chucky sneaked in the
hospital at the time of birth, took care of the doctors with witty comebacks
and an ax to the face, told the kid his secret for loophole sake, and got the
kid’s body, however unable to speak he still goes on murderous rampages. Honestly
tough, my drunken theories makes more sense than the whole movie. But anyway,
not a great movie overall, maybe alright as white noise at a party, but I hope
the original is better, by the looks of the trailer, they at least had the
goofy side of things right.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br />
<span lang="EN-US"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Personal
rating: 3.5<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Critical
rating: 4</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Things I’ve
learned from “It’s Alive”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- Good
to know the baby from “Braindead” is still getting work.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- I’ve
never seen so many people with different nationalities work on one movie.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- The
best part are the credits, try to find a name that doesn’t end with a V, I swear
to god there are more Droshnikov’s and Popov’s than retards at a klan meeting.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Loanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17490751090524545662noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3076721457318782304.post-72386718387151311092013-10-15T14:58:00.000-07:002013-10-17T12:27:06.258-07:00Two Evil Eyes 1990 Review<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiox-kGIPgtS26bBVB6VDrdrwo6hFz6eRNtygpNOCdJKUsYkvOjBIgBbcbHKk3Gt5U_GK9qm5QVA0vnq15WqPqVkzAW94M8VnqDDmFTpjyJvPgSstMtqvEAxcxI5a2Up8TFXjY4yh_lRaK5/s1600/TEE.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiox-kGIPgtS26bBVB6VDrdrwo6hFz6eRNtygpNOCdJKUsYkvOjBIgBbcbHKk3Gt5U_GK9qm5QVA0vnq15WqPqVkzAW94M8VnqDDmFTpjyJvPgSstMtqvEAxcxI5a2Up8TFXjY4yh_lRaK5/s320/TEE.PNG" width="284" /></a><span lang="EN-US"><b><span style="font-size: large;">Two Evil Eyes</span><o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">Two heads,
one movie, half the effort, and a shi8tton
of apologies to poor ‘ol Eddie Poe</span></b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Ah yes,
Edgar Allen Poe, once a tragic writer ahead of its time, now but a mere
throwaway joke whenever a movie director can’t come up with some original idea.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Yes it
seems there are more Poe based movies around than high-schools in anime, well I
don’t care if the idea’s been dryer than Conrad Hilton’s tit after a Night In
Paris, believe it or not, I was actually looking forward to watch this little
mess that we call “Two evil eyes”.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Why?
Four words: George A f8king Romero. Now what heresy is this, you might ask, a
campy movie critic who’s repertoire seems to exists solely on Evil dead 2
jokes, admiring the zombie master himself known as Goerge A Romero? Most unorthodox!...wait
not really, it actually goes as well hand in hand as a creepy dog owner and
peanut butter.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Yes of
course I adore anything with the man’s name on it, hell, I’ve even given “The
Crazies” remake a free pass for having his name in the credits. So when I heard
he made a movie that flew under everyone’s radar I went nuts and watched the
damn thing, and I must say, after having seeing it, I start to see why everyone
disregarded it like road kill. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Because
there is another half to this otherwise awesome coin, Dario Argento.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Most
people seem to actually like the guy, hell, he’s even seen as one of the better
horror movie directors out there, personally though? I really don’t like him.
Sure I haven’t seen every single one of his movies, but the ones I saw didn’t
really catch my eyes or anything, and the guy himself is a complete creep. But
then again, I’m just one guy and obviously not someone who was asked if it was
a good idea to put these two directors in the same room with an Edgar Allan Poe
novel.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">So two movies
for the price of one, what could go wrong?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjo8MTwgYG49P4AB2Han_7yBnj1-OiO9wd3DhT8qQXTJAgCPRJNw3tK5M9RbTzh11qSp_vpH9JRLPRCmnkAQjyq23F2qNAPppmDq_DFHKnn1hPar1W6XZSdiYz4gOz2brBIFxn-Hf99JqeJ/s1600/valdemar4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjo8MTwgYG49P4AB2Han_7yBnj1-OiO9wd3DhT8qQXTJAgCPRJNw3tK5M9RbTzh11qSp_vpH9JRLPRCmnkAQjyq23F2qNAPppmDq_DFHKnn1hPar1W6XZSdiYz4gOz2brBIFxn-Hf99JqeJ/s320/valdemar4.jpg" width="320" /></a><span lang="EN-US">The
first story, directed by Romero, is a recreation of “the facts in the case of
Mr. Valdemar”, a story an unlikable wife who cheats of her unlikable dying
husband Valdemar with an unlikable doctor. Gees, talk about screwing you’re
affair on your husband’s dying bed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Well, it
might come as no surprise that the characters aren’t the main driving point
here seeing as they could easily been rewritten with top hats and monochromes and make a guest appearance in Captain Planet. What really gets this
story going is that the unlikable wife has to keep her husband alive long
enough to get the green the old geezer is sleeping on , unfortunately said task
prove to be difficult as he trades his wardrobe for a red shirt and bites the
dust faster than you can say ‘gold digger’. Fortunately the doctor had Valdemar
under hypnosis at the time of dead, and it seems to have created a mortal
loophole leaving the old man in-between worlds. It’s only when the spirits from
the other side get tired of this cast of assh8les and decide to take control of
the dead body and go on a rampage that the story really picks up it's pace.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">The
second story, by Dario Argento, is no other than “The Black Cat”, a great story
and a really sick and twisted look into the human creativity.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">The
movie however? Weird as hell, we follow Harvey Keitel playing a freelance
photographer who’s girlfriend’s cat is driving insane. That’s about it without
going into spoiler territory, however, if you read the story, you know it
doesn’t end well for anyone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">All right,
my thought on the first movie, The facts in the case of Mr Valdemar? All right
at best.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">One of
the many problems is the fact that the story is amazingly slow, and the good
part doesn’t come till the last five minutes or so, and of course Romero found
a way to work some zombies in there somewhere. But yeah, as a standalone movie,
it’s good, the characters are unlikable, sure, but their motives are clear and
the situation they find themselves in is enjoyable to watch. And the ending is
actually rewarding. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEie3kF5reVRa522_2UPlL7DTD1IZF8foxZB8A6FdMEa5joTUuD3z5i5iT9WMgoKoMz4OT_FZMsHzFw25OgiW0Egz8xK4-2D9wbKEhhdPqgA2IUtpLO_xCdH6GU_jk3JzaQ04M8J2mFLCExj/s1600/Two_Evil_Eyes_f_4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="211" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEie3kF5reVRa522_2UPlL7DTD1IZF8foxZB8A6FdMEa5joTUuD3z5i5iT9WMgoKoMz4OT_FZMsHzFw25OgiW0Egz8xK4-2D9wbKEhhdPqgA2IUtpLO_xCdH6GU_jk3JzaQ04M8J2mFLCExj/s320/Two_Evil_Eyes_f_4.jpg" width="320" /></a><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">However,
then we come to the point where I find myself obligated to talk about the
Argento part. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">The only
way I can describe it, is as a putrid aftertaste to an already bland cake with
some little chocolate bits here and there.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">I’m
really not a fan of it, it might be the confusing plot, the cruel and strange
tone, or the throwaway characters.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">The vibe
is very weird, I guess that the story of a man going slowly insane should feel
uneasy and weird, but I’m getting an overall feel of “Overtrying artsy-ness”. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">The plot
is all over the place, and a medieval dream sequence didn’t help my confusion,
and you have to sink pretty low too make Hervey Keitel act like he’s got a
stick up his ass (Watch the movie, you’ll get the joke).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">But yeah,
this part has some pretty big names, mainly Harvey Keitel who’s an amazing
actor, and even…wait, is that Darla, Julie Benz? And he gave her the role of an
extra? Damn you Argento, and you wonder why we can’t get along?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">But even
with the best actor, this part just seems to fall flat. And here’s another
thing, I said in my top 10 favorite movies that the theme of the slow decent
into madness is one of my favorite subject, the decadence of the soul is
something I am very well accustom to, and it never seems to amaze me
nonetheless, so this should be a feast for my eyes, but I the story is just too
confusing, letting you hope for a higher meaning, a touch of symbolism, but the
movie just never delivers and never goes the extra mile to draw you in and keep
you invested in either the characters or the setting. Cruel, confusing and
never deeper than the bottom of my shoe, that’s it in a nutshell if you can
take my word for it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">So if
you decide to watch this movie, take your time with the first one, the effects
and story are rewarding in the end, but go ahead and skip the second one.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Personal
rating: 5<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Critical
rating: 5.5</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Things I’ve
learned from “Two Evil Eyes”:</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- The ‘Ripley’
hairdo made you irresistible in the 80s.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- This
movie has the worse opening theme ever.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">-
Zombies don’t need lip sinc<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- When
the door open and a bunch of elves call you out to follow them, it’s probably
best to lay off the liquor for a while.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- Nearly
murdering an entire room of cops by acting like a dumbass to get some good
pictures of half a naked chick is shrugged off by the officers like a minor inconvenience.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- In
hindsight, going out with a guy who takes daily pictures of mutilated corpses
wasn’t such a fresh idea to start with.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Loanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17490751090524545662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3076721457318782304.post-21763204507195741322013-10-04T16:05:00.000-07:002013-10-04T16:23:45.655-07:00Sinister 2012 Review<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVmNoKqjJY-NiIczTGT_mQ6pc2Mm65XR7aJhCJ6DEflgRoURGAvdpDtKramSDtp63A8EAgZE6SKhwd1YVTO1yTaOO7vAl_gKFpSxnbC4H5ekiwSdofP84X7kYd91G_ti2ZIbTZgvz8JjA_/s1600/sinister-poster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVmNoKqjJY-NiIczTGT_mQ6pc2Mm65XR7aJhCJ6DEflgRoURGAvdpDtKramSDtp63A8EAgZE6SKhwd1YVTO1yTaOO7vAl_gKFpSxnbC4H5ekiwSdofP84X7kYd91G_ti2ZIbTZgvz8JjA_/s400/sinister-poster.jpg" width="267" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><b><span style="font-size: large;">Sinister<o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">The
killing ‘meh’</span></b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Well,
about time I review a recent horror movie, last one I did turned out to be about musical
chairs, so let’s hope that this one has something resembling a
storyline.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">It might
be easy to notice that I’m not that big of a fan of Hollywood and it’s money-whoring
habits at the moment, sure there is some gold to be found while searching trough pop artists who’s balls haven’t dropped yet and shitty teen drama romance
that makes my gag reflexes </span>strongly react to its sheer stupidity every time
someone chooses for the sparkling twat.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">But the
gold is there, horror movies like Mama and even the Evil Dead remake (didn’t
hate it, I’ll probably explain further my opinion someday, hold your pitchforks
at bay people) give me hope that there is yet a chance that this storm that
surrounds our movie theaters will soon
come to pass. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">But where
was I? Oh yeah, the highly praised “Sinister”, Scariest movie of 2012 and all
other great talk, bout time I give that bad boy a watch.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">“Totally
not Jack Nicholson from the Shining” obsessed horror writer Ellison Oswalt
decides that it would be a kick-ass idea for his children to grow up in a
murder house, why? So he can write a book about the horrible murder of an
entire family that happened not that long ago. A troubled probably alcoholic writer
obsessed with getting his story no matter what? You sure Stephen King didn’t
write this one? Unfortunately not, but moving on, a strange box keeps appearing
in the house bearing a strange collection of 8mm films, our dear buddy Oswalt
decides to give it a watch and ends up strung along in a conspiracy about a demonic
psychopath’s picnic and pool party with a very dark twist.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span>
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhulkwxVYJyVoZcYy1-L2APsrRP63Jm_r42s9e2gpn52JN4qNCrn37r8cmR3C6i-tlq60ykzsUwwSvBV-DaVqXjrow-ysNzZYSQJgNHOkMJsZGN4aRqFOmkK3EE9UeAsoYB9NGqqzkF2F9g/s1600/mrboogie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhulkwxVYJyVoZcYy1-L2APsrRP63Jm_r42s9e2gpn52JN4qNCrn37r8cmR3C6i-tlq60ykzsUwwSvBV-DaVqXjrow-ysNzZYSQJgNHOkMJsZGN4aRqFOmkK3EE9UeAsoYB9NGqqzkF2F9g/s320/mrboogie.jpg" width="320" /></a><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">First thoughts
about this movie? The atmosphere was okay, the characters two dimensional and
the acting was bearable, and given there are some kid actors in this one, it’s
quite the compliment.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">But did
it make me soil my panties and run in fear screaming like a little b8tch? Seeing
as that my neighbors haven’t yet called the cops complaining about a maniac
running down the street screaming something about the lead guitarist of Slipknot being
out to get him, I’ll have to say ‘oh sweet mamma with a cherry on top hells no
with a capital N.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Predictable
cheap jump scares, running annoying little ghost brats and a (even more) psychotic
Mick Thompson, come on guys, gotta try
harder than that.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">The story
was okay I guess, the only real scare factor in this movie were the tapes, that
sometimes are just plain disturbing, and that was great, it’s just a shame that
the idea bucket ran out around halfway through the movie and they decided to go
down in cliché avenue with a quick stop at Boreville. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">I’m perhaps
being a little too rough with Sinister, also seeing as it was partially written
by another internet critic C. Robert Cargill from Spill.com it should be at least able
to avoid the common horror clichés, but for a movie as praised as this one, it’s
unforgiving, it didn’t really bring anything new to the table, and even though
the video viewing parts were great and the twist at the end waspretty obvious but still enjoyable, it didn’t raise the bar or even tried to. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Overall not
really a bad movie, but the constant praise were highly exaggerated and left me
with only one word in my mouth, Mhe…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Personal
rating: 6<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Critical
rating: 6.5</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Things I’ve
learned from “Sinister”:</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- Possibly
the best missed opportunity for a “I heard the pool party kinda died after I went
home” joke<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- Painting
on the wall is cute and all, until the axe comes into play.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- How to
mow your lawn like a OH GOD WTF WAS THAT??</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- Always
watch the last parts of a video<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Loanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17490751090524545662noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3076721457318782304.post-76315814282229851712013-09-19T16:14:00.000-07:002013-11-16T06:53:58.048-08:00Top 10 Favorite movies (5/1)<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>#5:</b></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>RESERVOIR DOGS / PULP FICTION</b></span> </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXEzyHTZj5XUC8poq_lQrjA9_QH7rrOpkuqkuUTmxMRHYPpD-bIP_aSyYoRgGb5fi5UlD5y-mI3FmNqCGDnIl3wsjijcj4QJhSp8YycoqlzDMLgmvzwk8Mk4UGu63pr7Q65GTQ4nQXMHl9/s1600/RD.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="205" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXEzyHTZj5XUC8poq_lQrjA9_QH7rrOpkuqkuUTmxMRHYPpD-bIP_aSyYoRgGb5fi5UlD5y-mI3FmNqCGDnIl3wsjijcj4QJhSp8YycoqlzDMLgmvzwk8Mk4UGu63pr7Q65GTQ4nQXMHl9/s320/RD.PNG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Did I
already say that Tarantino was a freaking genius? Oh wait, I did? Well, it’s
something worth repeating I guess, Tarantino is a freaking genius.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">I guess
it’s a bit cheating to pick these two at the same time but it’s virtually
impossible for me to pick only one as a 5e place, so f8ck it, here’s my 5.5 and
my 5.0. and besides, I already cheated with my number eight and no one
complained about that one either.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Remember
what I said about Tarantino’s writing skills when I talked about ‘From Dusk Till
Dawn’? well, same story here, brilliant dialogue and multilayered characters.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Pulp
Fiction, probably the more famous of the two, tells the tale of multiple
characters who’s stories will cross paths. When a boxer fails to deliver his
part in a fixed match, he finds himself on the run from a mob boss and his
henchmen, all while one of the henchmen finds himself in a tricky situation as
he is asked to take his boss’s wife on a date. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">In Reservoir
Dogs, a group of robbers try to get back together after a pseudo failed robbery
at a jewelry store. Almost the entire movie is shot in the same room, and only
leaves once or twice to tell some backstory. And my god, this is where
Tarantino’s writing skills shines the brightest. I won’t give anything away
apart from the fact that these two movies are something no one should miss.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJMOCzIjJrtKAluYMSS4br_1ArIWbTOl3a7sC8INMYAB-7eV6fkH-_06ijEhPOUjMuID-BDf12tx_8orKAvKpmdqHvKhtPNyV5hKxl6UReCDRVanikDCnxYaihtm1DU3vUHBbnaRIquKc1/s1600/x-movie-pulp-fiction-and-737869.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="128" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJMOCzIjJrtKAluYMSS4br_1ArIWbTOl3a7sC8INMYAB-7eV6fkH-_06ijEhPOUjMuID-BDf12tx_8orKAvKpmdqHvKhtPNyV5hKxl6UReCDRVanikDCnxYaihtm1DU3vUHBbnaRIquKc1/s320/x-movie-pulp-fiction-and-737869.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>#4:</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>JURASSIC PARK</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfdB25o8tz9LTS-3-LsC-C6U4-4PJAmsU-JoxH96Kq-N1GpF-RcuJq8Gx3v1fR43fnpeL5TCvpyyUPVJ4_qw1T6mQYSBD42aVYSor0T28b5uDfU_XwThsl46sGe_5MR2gRofLwAI2hx_JS/s1600/jurassic_park.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfdB25o8tz9LTS-3-LsC-C6U4-4PJAmsU-JoxH96Kq-N1GpF-RcuJq8Gx3v1fR43fnpeL5TCvpyyUPVJ4_qw1T6mQYSBD42aVYSor0T28b5uDfU_XwThsl46sGe_5MR2gRofLwAI2hx_JS/s320/jurassic_park.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">What can
I say that hasn’t been said about this movie? Apart from the fact that I have
seen this movie so often I can recite the each spoken dialogue in the right
order without any problems…in two languages.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">A handful
of people find themselves stuck on an amusement park island that hosts real
live dinosaurs, and of course the things escape and carnage ensue. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">This movie
blew me away as a kid, hell, it blew everyone and everything away when it came
out. The atmosphere, the effects, everything was way ahead of its time, it
surprising that the effects look more realistic than any movie that has come
out in the past ten years, and for a movie that is 20 years old…damn that’s saying
a lot. Jurassic Park was my favorite movie as a kid, and it still holds a very
special place in my hearth even today for having started my obsession with
these beautiful reptiles ever since.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>#3: </b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>THE LORD OF THE RINGS TRILLOGY</b></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxet6kBll8N2QO8jHHv8yglOjNyUV-14r6_nJfl3LxSJtj_QYGc8GabbEKkO1fjWO4EKpqPIZ9BnLE0XnBHtf65RY7MF9HE8r1LsMKlpaOgpKSJJUmaoNbA8jjei1cRJd8hM-SbjCkSp9E/s1600/lord-of-the-rings-trilogy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="217" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxet6kBll8N2QO8jHHv8yglOjNyUV-14r6_nJfl3LxSJtj_QYGc8GabbEKkO1fjWO4EKpqPIZ9BnLE0XnBHtf65RY7MF9HE8r1LsMKlpaOgpKSJJUmaoNbA8jjei1cRJd8hM-SbjCkSp9E/s320/lord-of-the-rings-trilogy.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Yeah,
how could these movies NOT be on a top ten favorite list? The adventure, the
amazing world that is middle earth, the characters, the battles, simply
everything. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">An
ancient evil awakens in Mordor as a simple hobbit must make a long and perilous
journey to destroy an artifact that could change the outcome of the war if
fallen in the wrong hands. With a fellowship of trusty friends and capable
warriors, this tale refines the difference between good and evil, and gave us
an epic as never seen before.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Yes, I believe
this to be the best trilogy of movies ever made, and I’m ready to fight anyone
over that opinion, bring it star wars geeks, JarJar Binks can testify.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">These movies
are the true definition of an epic, a long journey to save the world from an
overwhelming evil, with many great battles to keep the tension up.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Tolkien
based his books heavily on Norse mythology, something I have spent perhaps too much time
studying and that still amaze me each
time I read about it, each story is definitely a recommendation, even if they
are more than a thousand years old, at least it won’t put you to sleep like
other old documentations of religious events.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">What else
is there to say about these movies apart that they are on my number 3 for very
good reasons.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>#2: </b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>EVIL DEAD 2</b></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWrOz1a0PZSLsj8OReheAfTWdGkj4iF8GPk4ZFQesJHJ5ddrWQU_d4SzLwXUrHXw2su6CARHPGYmISHHtSNDF4mSfDIk3uXP9p1IsUUI53nKEjDIeY7TXpOA45EVr4hLG09dPI7TzX3y1I/s1600/evil_dead_ii_xlg.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWrOz1a0PZSLsj8OReheAfTWdGkj4iF8GPk4ZFQesJHJ5ddrWQU_d4SzLwXUrHXw2su6CARHPGYmISHHtSNDF4mSfDIk3uXP9p1IsUUI53nKEjDIeY7TXpOA45EVr4hLG09dPI7TzX3y1I/s320/evil_dead_ii_xlg.jpg" width="212" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Yeah, we
knew this one was coming. For those three or five people who have read my
review on this little masterpiece of a B movie, they know how much I adore Evil
Dead 2. It’s one of the only movie whereas you could ask me literally anytime if
I wanted to watch it, that I would say yes ten times out of ten. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">What makes
this movie so great? How about the style, the acting, the effects, the
dialogue, the humor, the horror, the sets and everything else that this movie
does.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">I have a
very personal history with this movie, and it still entertains me after all
these years, even more, it changed me as a person, which is something that not
many things can do. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">Ash finds
himself with his girlfriend in a cabin in the middle of the woods when he
decides to play a recording of demonic chanting, and as movie logic would have
it, the demons see this as a BYOB party and wreck the place by possessing everything
that moves, and even that doesn’t move. It’s however how Ash decides to deal
with this that makes the movie so great, at first he loses his mind, and then decides he has had it with this sh8t and with a chainsaw in the one hand, and a
boomstick in the other goes to town on those sorry hell spawns. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">This movie
made me the man I am today and I’ll be damned if it ain’t one of my favorite
movie.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">But wait,
how could any movie possibly top Evil dead 2? The movie that influenced me the
most and had no other than Bruce Campbell kick demonic ass like a boss? Well…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>#1: </b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>DELLAMORTE DELLAMORE </b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>(Cemetery Man)</b></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">My all-time
favorite movie, one who stands proud above all others. I first only saw a glimpse
of this movie when my father and I were looking for a cheesy 80’s one-liners fest.
I only caught a single scene, but that was all it took. I looked it up later on
my own and I fell in love with it. I feel I can’t do it justice in such a short
resume on a top 10, so I hereby promise that I will review it in all its glory
in the future.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">But in
short, what is it about? Love, death, life and the insanity that comes along
with it, what happens when you make a promise you can’t keep by throwing the
word “forever” and how it can bite you back the ass, hard. Francesco Dellamorte
is the groundkeeper at the Buffalore cemetery, his lonely life consist of putting
the dead back to sleep when they decide to wake up, yes, this is a zombie
movie. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">But strangely
enough the zombies are but an undertone of the movie, where the focus really
shines is in our lovesick protagonist and his damned romance that begins in
tragedy and ends in death. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">To truly
understand this movie you’ll have to watch it for yourself, and even then, the
movie is so full of obstructed symbolism and themes that it will take more than
a few views to get an idea of the true story that this tragedy tells. Like War
Of The Roses, a huge aspect of the movie revolve around the slow decent into
madness and the pain that comes from passion. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">This
movie is for me the perfection of the human art, to others it might seem like a
very weird movie about zombies and some romance in the mix, and I respect that,
but for me, it’s simply perfect.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">The depth
that this movie brings for someone who can truly see what lies beneath the
surface is something that I truly admire and love with a passion beyond words.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Honorable
mentions: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
#16: Evil Dead 3: Army Of Darkness</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">#17: Merlin
(1998)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">#18: <o:p></o:p></span>Constantine</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">#19: </span>Serenity</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">#20:<o:p></o:p></span>Sweeny Todd</div>
Loanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17490751090524545662noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3076721457318782304.post-31842534700054012302013-09-16T13:33:00.000-07:002013-09-16T13:45:21.116-07:00Top 10 Favorite Movie (10/6)<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Well,
here’s something I’ve been meaning to do for a while.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">As a
self-proclaimed movie critic, it is only natural to ask what I believe are good
movies. In my case, movies I like and movies I think are good are two completely
different things, for example, is Birdemic a bad movie? Oh god beyond yes. Do I
like it? Oh sweet mamma yes. Point made.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Then again
there are also some movies that are considered masterpieces that I think are
utter and complete waste of space, for example Moulin Rouge, according to most
an Avant Guard masterpiece of the modern age that shone a light in the French
underbelly trough Broadway musicals, my opinion? I’m still trying to get the
severed heads of all the people that cooperated to create this abomination to
put them on spikes in front of my house as a warning the next a88hat that wants
to shoot the next “Great Gatsby”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Anyway where
was I? oh yeah, top ten favorite movies, not the best ones, but my personal
favorite, the kind of movie you could lock me up with in a basement for 40 days
and enough food and water and I’d be all right. And before anything, and I know
it’s a shock, but I haven’t seen all the movies ever created, so there’s a good
chance your personal favorite isn’t in there.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">So let’s
begin my personal, chaotic and confused top 10 favorite movies of all time:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>#10:<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>THE WAR OF THE ROSES</b></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_q0JcpQRCIypD_iDq9fsrlC294Aw_a12MocxgOSe9IwwDuwabBtlR-miMGB4k6XSwr94UF2ICTPoX7w7LBUUhavA45zmNAyqnv4xiuQqTLEDm3Glvf-ZJcngGAkN8njLIsfXf_vXhxG1g/s1600/war+of+the+roses.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="259" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_q0JcpQRCIypD_iDq9fsrlC294Aw_a12MocxgOSe9IwwDuwabBtlR-miMGB4k6XSwr94UF2ICTPoX7w7LBUUhavA45zmNAyqnv4xiuQqTLEDm3Glvf-ZJcngGAkN8njLIsfXf_vXhxG1g/s320/war+of+the+roses.PNG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"> </span> </div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Here’s
the story of what happens when everything goes wrong and how much you can hate
someone you love.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Directed
by Danny Devitto, this movie has one of my personal favorite subject ever put
on film, the slow decent into madness. The idea that we constantly pushes our
notion of right or wrong by giving in to the gray areas is simply amazing. How far
we are willing to go sometimes can be as scary as fascinating. This dark comedy
tells the story of the Roses, a supposedly perfect American family with a
working husband and a wife who takes care of the children, all living in a
beautiful house. On the surface, everything seems fine, but it slowly comes crumbling
down around them as they start to hate and despise each other, at first like
any argument between married couple, but as the movie goes on the hatred grows
and the two start to go completely of the chart. Eventually going as far as
turning the entire house in a battlefield, quite literally actually, going as
far as trying to kill each other using almost comedic manners. The slow buildup
of the relationship and the final result almost comes naturally, thanks to Devitto’s
great storytelling. It doesn’t come as a surprise that the movie end in
tragedy, thinking twice about it, the whole thing was a tragedy from the start,
and a great one at that.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>#9</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>DR
STRANGELOVE </b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>(or how I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb)</b></span> </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Another
dark comedy, starting to see a pattern here guys?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Although
somewhat outdated according to some, this movie is in my opinion the greatest
comedy of all times, why? Simply because the subject is none other than our own
destruction.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxR2R9nigR6aZq-nqdnAwg-uDdTR00_4HGM65Ro3KRMomMB6igqd42XNPmzroQJvVdJmq3AOMMsxx8FF-8sCqd7TgjEGoOsGGZXC1U6Y8Z9fFZgxAEX2pQ_c0ajRfUt5FRfdNMIqMnVzze/s1600/DrStrangelove060Pyxurz.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxR2R9nigR6aZq-nqdnAwg-uDdTR00_4HGM65Ro3KRMomMB6igqd42XNPmzroQJvVdJmq3AOMMsxx8FF-8sCqd7TgjEGoOsGGZXC1U6Y8Z9fFZgxAEX2pQ_c0ajRfUt5FRfdNMIqMnVzze/s200/DrStrangelove060Pyxurz.jpg" width="200" /></a><span lang="EN-US">Based in
the cold war, an insane and paranoid colonel commands a squadron to bomb
Russian ground with nuclear force. All that without the consent of the
president, and with no way to communicate with the planes, the American government
is forced to stop them at all cost to
prevent a nuclear Armageddon, even going as far as calling the Russians to warn
them and to apologies. But wait, it gets even worse as the Russians admit to
have a doomsday weapon capable to destroy all life on earth if Russia is
under attack, and to top it all, the machine is commanded by a computer,
meaning the Russians are unable to access it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">This
movie is purely genius, the greatest comedy of all time, reflecting the hopelessness
of the politicians and the Russian to change their fates, cleverly a reflection
of the civilians of both countries during the cold war, also unable to reason
with their own government in hope to stop them from destroying the world. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">The humor
is simply timeless and never fail to amuse, especially on such a dark subject
as our own demise.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>#8</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>PITCH
BLACK/CHRONICLES OF RIDDICK</b></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">I’m
allowed to dumb fun every once in a while, right? Ah whatever, I’m doing it
anyway. Here’s Pitch Black and Riddick.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Here we
come to what I said earlier when I said those movies don’t need to be perfect
to be on this list. One of my favorite characters from all time, Riddick B
Richard is an unstoppable killing machine with an attitude and a hearth of gold…ish…really
rusty gold, am I still allowed to say bronze?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">In the futuristic
year of who-gives-a-f8ck, Riddick, experienced murderer and escapee of Butcher
Bay, the universe’s toughest prison, find himself over the course of two whole
movies chased by bounty hunters, Vampire aliens, weird roman symbolism with
Nazi influents and other amazing and crazy foes. What really makes this movie
is probably Riddick himself, and all his moral dilemmas and never ending dream
to be left alone. Although Riddick can really make his namesake proud at some
times, he is strangely reliable and easy to emphasize with, in a weird way that
you wish you were as badass as him, what, just me?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Anyway,
Riddick is enough of a badass to propel these movies to the number eight in my
list. No further innuendos, symbolism or any of that sweet mumbo jumbo, just
pure and raw manliness and testosterones all around.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>#7</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>FROM
DUSK TILL DAWN</b></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"></span></div>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Have I ever
said Quentin Tarantino is a genius? No? well I should do it more often, Quentin
Tarantino is a genius. What sets him apart from any other directors, besides
his often eccentric subject and overall bat-sh8t-craziness, is mainly his
ability to write good dialogue, you know, that thing that most other directors
use as a shameless way to get expositions out of the way. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">And of
course most of his movies are heavily dialogue based, I mean, you’re not gonna
let Picasso run for derby champion, your just gonna let him do what he does
best, painting, or in Tarantino’s case, write amazing dialogue that I could listen
to for hours upon hours.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Anyway,
back on topic, From Dusk Till Dawn is a joined effort between the two friends, Quentin
Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez, that tells the story of two brothers on the run
from the law, the one being a classy bank robber and the other a psychopathic
nuttjob with very selective hearing. They kidnap a family to get across the Mexican
border, where they find themselves trapped in a vampire infested bar called the
TittyTwister. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Amazing
dialogue, troubled and complicated multi-layered characters, campy practical effects
and brutal bloodthirsty monsters that don’t sparkle? And above all, Tom Saviny
rocking a d8ck pistol? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">Did Christmas
come early or what?</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>#6</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>OH
BROTHER WHERE ART THOU?</b></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZMIqkod-wUwkAEAqwh06992dVl0web3YfpqPNDpGysszD9weuYIpxE_8JMo7Quek7mULBbXrpeGSxwovappDaQMkla7EvaPRrnFw35cIeZM1UDIDexVVKrLfi1LDBIDyC1tKPVTA3UZH7/s1600/O-Brother-Where-Art-Thou-movies-72431_1024_768.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZMIqkod-wUwkAEAqwh06992dVl0web3YfpqPNDpGysszD9weuYIpxE_8JMo7Quek7mULBbXrpeGSxwovappDaQMkla7EvaPRrnFw35cIeZM1UDIDexVVKrLfi1LDBIDyC1tKPVTA3UZH7/s320/O-Brother-Where-Art-Thou-movies-72431_1024_768.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">You know
who else knows how to make good movies? The godd8mn Coen Brothers.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">This movie
has it all, a retelling of one of my favorite story in modern (ish) age.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Three harmless
dumb inmates escape their prison and embark on a mission to find gold, all that
in the setting of the harsh world that was the state of Mississippi in the 30’s.
like many say, it’s the journey that makes a good story, not the treasure, and
damn if this isn’t one of the most amazing journeys ever made on screen. Along the
way our three doofusses meet a rich cast of characters and end up more than
once in unexplainable situations. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">The atmosphere
that the movie bring to the table is rich and simply amazing, accompanied with
30’s blues and country songs this amazing comedy is more that deserving of the sixth
place of my list<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Before
moving to the final five, I guess it’s time for some honorable mentions:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">#11: American
Beauty<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">#12: Fear
And Loathing In Las Vegas<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">#13: American
Psycho<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">#14: Bride
of Frankenstein<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">#15: The
Big Lebowsky<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Check in
next post for the Final 5<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Loanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17490751090524545662noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3076721457318782304.post-22711058360052355962013-09-15T02:34:00.001-07:002013-10-05T01:21:27.897-07:00Re-Animator 1985 Review<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioqC8Xn84hoeIpPLpuJOQqFOt8NRjes1zJUMXXcWBE7lIpQnjZmktbnkPgl40eKrnySMJvSKB-dLLwy9WHbFztKdKqK3z9klAPhkp1b8VZF925XM9GdN2fLMcAN2eIeNIByoOxsDaLSSsl/s1600/reanimator.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioqC8Xn84hoeIpPLpuJOQqFOt8NRjes1zJUMXXcWBE7lIpQnjZmktbnkPgl40eKrnySMJvSKB-dLLwy9WHbFztKdKqK3z9klAPhkp1b8VZF925XM9GdN2fLMcAN2eIeNIByoOxsDaLSSsl/s320/reanimator.jpg" width="228" /></a><span lang="EN-US"><b><span style="font-size: large;">Re-Animator</span><o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Lovecraftian
shenanigans and other kinds of fun.</b></span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">If
you’re searching for good B-horror movie, the name ‘Re-Animator’ is certain to
pop up, sure it ain’t as popular as ‘<a href="http://grimmbreakreviews.blogspot.nl/search/label/Evil%20Dead" target="_blank">Evil Dead</a>’ and not as gory as
‘<a href="http://grimmbreakreviews.blogspot.nl/2013/07/braindead-dead-alive-a.html" target="_blank">Braindead/Dead-Alive</a>’, but it respectably
stands proud on the top as a B movie you shouldn’t miss.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Directed
in 1985, Re-Animator is an adaptation of from the novel of the same name by H.P
Lovecraft.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">For
those who don’t know , I’m a huge Lovecraft fan, and I mean huge (just between
us, I welcome our fishy overlords). The mythology, the dark symbolism, the
perfect and rich writing, what’s not to love?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Just for
those who don’t know, here’s a quick recap:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">H.P
Lovecraft was a writer in the earl 1900 who made a mediocre living by writing scary stories for a newspaper.
Unfortunately, like most geniuses, he wasn’t recognized for his talent until
after his death. He was often called the Edgar Allan Poe of his time, his
stories were often based on ancient deities that once ruled the earth that sometime came back to take their old kingdom which often ends in madness and
chaos, with more than often it’s fair share of undead monstrosities and other nightmare fuel
for weeks.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">But is
this movie faithful to the tale of Herbert West, the man who cheated death?
Well, let’s take a look at the plot.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Herbert
West, a talented and maybe a little eccentric neurologist scientist is just
transferred to the University of Arkham (for all you Batman fans out there,
that’s where the name came from) from Zurich, under questionable circumstances.
He unfortunately drives his roommate Dan with him in his crazy theories that
involves the resurrection of dead tissue. Dan, not being a complete idiot right
off the bat decides to tell West to go to hell, but after some blackmail and an
unfortunate instance involving a zombie Mr Whiskers, Dan finds himself helping
West acquiring cadavers for his experiments.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">West
succeed to cheat death and with ideas of grandeur decides to test his serum
further and in even more immoral ways, unfortunately, his plans are thwarted as
a teacher catches wind of his little rehearsal of the Night Of The Living Dead and decides to put his plans to be a creepy horny old stalker toward
Dan’s girlfriend on hold to stroll in the scene to steal the credit. This
should be quickly solved seen as that West can create an army of hungry undead
to eat the teacher’s wrinkly old behind, but things get complicated when the
teacher turns out to have hypnotic powers…wait what now?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-UJURZthsy0cwl7Y3jjp0k8Gg4YTM7U_3hdUsFvA8xxyssjcSihfFVp7M9U3hRiRad0rfsGMv-8REmGliVuTXbx5AkVwP9_uCljnp-UMFUISamFrF-aOAiDNABUgWI5Byvjwg-IapT4Nv/s1600/1500662-reanimator_440x277.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="201" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-UJURZthsy0cwl7Y3jjp0k8Gg4YTM7U_3hdUsFvA8xxyssjcSihfFVp7M9U3hRiRad0rfsGMv-8REmGliVuTXbx5AkVwP9_uCljnp-UMFUISamFrF-aOAiDNABUgWI5Byvjwg-IapT4Nv/s320/1500662-reanimator_440x277.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>Wouldn't be a real Lovecraft tale without <br />some Cthulhu symbolisme, would it now?</b></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Ok,
that’s where the movie kinda lost me, hypnotism? I guess it makes the idea sort
of interesting, but I personally prefer the route the book took by making West
face his own creations and letting his ambitions be his undoing, instead of a
pissed off perv with magic powers. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">But
first, before comparing it to the novel, how does this movie hold on its own?
Well, it’s good, great even. The practical effects have that good old 80s campy
feel and the characters and their motives are well portrayed, the only problem
I have with it it’s that it’s pretty slow, the first half is purely to show how
much of a psycho West is and how he manipulates people, and only near the end
do the zombies really kick in the door at the plot’s house to ask for their
screentime, which is a shame really, but well, that’s to be expected from a
movie that was adapted from a novel.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">The
dialogue isn’t anything special, it’s not bad but it’s probably noting you’ll
remember, exept for West screaming “Overdose!” while finishing off a zombie
Mortal Kombat style.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">But how
does this movie hold up in comparison with the novel? Mhe<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">I guess
it follows the overall story okay, a few changes here and there, mainly due to
the fact that it was set in the eighties instead of the early 1900, so
acquiring a corpse was as easy as walking through a door (I’m not kidding, they
have like, zero security at the Arkham university’s morgue), instead of
unearthing the dead at the local cemetery
causing the suspicion of the townsfolk like in the novel.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">The
consequences are also very light in comparison with the novel, in the movie, the
worse that happens in the first act is that the cops are slightly questioning
West’s motives while holding one of his zombies captive, slowly leading to the
attention of the teacher, while in the book one of its creature, a dead boxer
beaten to death in a match, escapes and goes on a murderous rampage, before
disappearing, and West becomes completely paranoid till the end of his days,
increasing his madness that slowly got worse after doing the horrible deeds he
did in the name of science.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">But the
biggest difference between the novel and the adaptation has to be none
other than Herbert West himself. In the book, he was described as a quiet and
charismatic young man highly talented in science, but still with a slight touch
of a sinister plot crawling in the back of his head, he only really began to lose
his mind after he tried multiple times to resurrect the dead, and by the end,
he was but a mere shell of his former self and was a paranoid self-loathing man
who welcomed the sweet embrace of death by its own creations.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">The
Herbert West of the movie? A complete and utter scumbag who parasites off
everyone to achieve his goals. He is as mad as a kite at some points and even
supposedly killed his roommate’s cat to experiment on it. He blackmails, lies
and walks on everyone through the movie without caring for anything other than
his experiments. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Do I
think it’s a good thing they changed the iconic Re-animator from the book?
Surprisingly, I do. I liked the Herbert West from the novel, but this one is
definitely more at home in the movie, more dramatical and sometimes straight up
scary. You never know how far he is willing to go to accomplish his goals, or
you’re afraid of knowing exactly how far he’ll go. The actor pulls off the smug
face and the insanity perfectly, along with all his other little mannerisms to
really flesh out this character.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">My
opinion? Good movie, kinda slow but rewarding, give it a watch if you haven’t
already, and while you’re at it, definitely check out “Herbert West-reanimator”
by Lovecraft, not his best story but still a really good one.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjll7ZPXeKKQVAy2QlDcNOTWQTXmU_wFLIj65v7mLT5na4GfVxBio8ni96ZT6UvDugcrAksn7Ti4xBCrMc1XFP36BGd5fxWvIP1KKllni2-RmVnZaelCI5KUZzG529OVWdqlkAnpq5r3ZJl/s1600/Snapshot_20130602.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjll7ZPXeKKQVAy2QlDcNOTWQTXmU_wFLIj65v7mLT5na4GfVxBio8ni96ZT6UvDugcrAksn7Ti4xBCrMc1XFP36BGd5fxWvIP1KKllni2-RmVnZaelCI5KUZzG529OVWdqlkAnpq5r3ZJl/s320/Snapshot_20130602.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>Lovecrafian fanboyism<br />Don't leave home without it</b></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>What I’ve learned from "Re-animator":</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- Instead of slapping someone in the face with a glove the students of Arkham have found another way to challenge each other, constantly breaking off pencils in front of your rival in comedic fashion until he snaps and question your neurological knowledge.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- Talking without a windpipe? Sure, no problem, hell, you don’t even need lungs according to this movie, but since this was also in the book, I guess I have no right to b8tch about it<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- Actually, a whole lot about neurology</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- Well, never thought they’d top it, but yup, there is a worse rape scene in this movie than the infamous Evil Dead tree rape, this one has a decapitated head 0-0</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Personal
rating: 7.5/10 <o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Critical
rating: 7/10<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
Loanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17490751090524545662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3076721457318782304.post-58793428294634290042013-09-08T23:37:00.002-07:002013-09-09T06:15:12.792-07:00Robo-Geisha 2009 Review<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><b><span style="font-size: large;">Robo-Geisha</span></b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Suck it
90’s ‘Tank Girl’, this is the real thing.</b></span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGkgdJciaUSrggCTUStVtFpsPDhoA5kyEBXttd0KMGQC3bJavMqGkK12DAbnK6hBzk-vVGAmEXwjX1XwaIg5Nnx4CeVXP-ImrePD63Uq4Vja7L3tAKGtKRgew1YzU__GxLJ5Y3wu6Ip2WG/s1600/robogaisha9fsk1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGkgdJciaUSrggCTUStVtFpsPDhoA5kyEBXttd0KMGQC3bJavMqGkK12DAbnK6hBzk-vVGAmEXwjX1XwaIg5Nnx4CeVXP-ImrePD63Uq4Vja7L3tAKGtKRgew1YzU__GxLJ5Y3wu6Ip2WG/s320/robogaisha9fsk1.jpg" width="222" /></a><span lang="EN-US">Well,
about time I review another movie from my favorite country: Japan. And yes, this movie is weird…Really
ass-bugging-Stomp-on-the-face-and-drives-of-a-cliffs-only-to-pop-up-in-front-of-your-window-at-3-am-whispering-something-about-killer-turtles-while-you-only-wanted-a-glass-of-water
weird. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Are you
afraid? Well, you better be, cause here’s Robo-Geisha<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Released
in 2009 by Noboru Igushi , this proves my point that japan isn’t just crazy,
it’s a new kind of crazy bred in a lab somewhere only to escape in nothing but
a yellow mankini and slap people in the face with a dead fish. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Ever
wondered what would happen if you mixed ‘The Terminator’ with ‘Memoirs Of A
Geisha’ and ‘Godzilla’ and a whole lot of meth? Well, here’s your answer:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">An
ultra-violent weird and insane trip filled with out of place humor and
nonsensical fight scenes between geisha’s and robots, ninja’s, giant robot
castles and a nurse…for some reason.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">What is
this movie really about? Well, these kind of movies often don’t really have
much of a story, the humor and value are based more on how much they can get
away with. But with Robo-Geisha, there is surprisingly more story than needed.
It tells the tale of two sisters, the elder being a geisha and the younger being
pretty much Cinderella with major anger issues. Let’s just say they don’t get
along, and it doesn’t help that this perfect young guy with a major bank
account is more interested in the younger sister, Yoshi (yeah, I know, just
roll with it). They both get invited to his company where we learned that he is
an evil villain who wants to take over the world with his father and do evil
stuff like stomping on puppies and laughing at sick kids and all that evil
business.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Thus the
two sisters are recruited to his army of cyborg Geisha assassins. And instead
of saying:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"> “eh, I know you’re pretty much Cruella from
the 101 Dalmatian with slightly better hair and a penis and stuff, and I can
roll with that, but I’m probably gonna go now because of the serious case of
‘dying’ that everyone in your company has been getting lately”, the two sisters
decide to turn the whole thing into a competition, killing as many as possible,
getting better upgrades and taking the physical abuse like a boss to eventually
become ‘<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vao1opi49fg" target="_blank">The Very Best</a>’.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Well,
the movie decides that this plot is getting old somewhere halfway through and Yoshi gets betrayed by the Asian Ken doll and his company and left for
dead at the side of the road. But of course, an older Winry from FMA just
happens to pass by and gives her sweet upgrades. Thus Yoshi, now armed with the
lower body of a tank and enough fire power to blow up the whole country,
decides to open a can of whoop ass of biblical scale on the bad guy’s HQ, which
has now become a giant Godzilla robot and who is destroying random
building…which are bleeding when destroyed, yeah, I don’t even…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkvn7GFtMIq2OUKUC7mM_KD8fK20lHdmz2Xzw9Dsdj3yWT-27fHzX-IEH-QxaBKxv4AGsgyjJHpcWOxF9KojyqQ9aMZXJRajiD7pEO97joz8UKUNQQUYfWjoOCnhxlNpU2YpoGSubTnSVV/s1600/robo+geisha.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkvn7GFtMIq2OUKUC7mM_KD8fK20lHdmz2Xzw9Dsdj3yWT-27fHzX-IEH-QxaBKxv4AGsgyjJHpcWOxF9KojyqQ9aMZXJRajiD7pEO97joz8UKUNQQUYfWjoOCnhxlNpU2YpoGSubTnSVV/s400/robo+geisha.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">You thought i was kiding, didn't ya?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">This
movie is simply amazing, not because it’s good or anything, but because it’s so
bad, but on purpose , which makes it ok, right?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">But all
kidding aside, I loved this movie. Never did I find myself bored or not
laughing, it managed to hit every single note perfectly, even if hitting said
note perfectly required to have some of the worse effects I’ve seen in a while,
which in my case only entertained me more.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIZEUIisnAbULwR686sSkkZpm7ErYdVj0T6QTSnQx3I_kDkiBUtfKivtyxJpvi7fKsC1IIXx5DNOg8qqyj4diOMmd8opcw-bRGODV3rkFvk-pzskdrIk3oP_fgiADg2_vWjWQ6EaUfYQ_W/s1600/robogeisha3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIZEUIisnAbULwR686sSkkZpm7ErYdVj0T6QTSnQx3I_kDkiBUtfKivtyxJpvi7fKsC1IIXx5DNOg8qqyj4diOMmd8opcw-bRGODV3rkFvk-pzskdrIk3oP_fgiADg2_vWjWQ6EaUfYQ_W/s320/robogeisha3.jpg" width="320" /></a><span lang="EN-US">The intention
was to make a movie so ridiculous as possible and I’ll be damned if it isn’t
one of the most ridiculous movie I’ve ever seen. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">The only
thing I can compare it to would be “Panty and Stocking with Gartenbelt”, the
humor, pacing and ridiculousness is similar, but Robo-geisha takes it one step
further in the ‘weird’ direction. Surprisingly, the story telling is also
shockingly similar, teasing us with serious moments and drama, only to slap us
in the face with an over the top nonsensical fight scene out of left field, as
if the show and the movies were telling us: “yeah, we can to so much better
than this, we could actually have a story, but f*ck that noise! Here’s a chick
with tank wheels driving on the side of a building while playing a <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7QAMrzqeDGM" target="_blank">shamisen</a>
shooting lasers at a giant walking castle destroying the city”, and it works
perfectly.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">I spoke
of the effects earlier, I think I didn’t do it justice when I said it was some
of the worse I’ve seen in a while, cheap CGI bullets and blood that flies
everywhere across the screen without rhyme or reason, pretty similar to the “Violent
Shit” movies (in case you don’t know any of them, trust me when I say it’s
pretty bad and in no way a compliment). The practical effects are over the top
and works perfectly for the goofy tone this movie was going for, like some guy
with shrimps shoved in his eyes or a man being hit so hard his head retracts
back into his torso, you know, all the good stuff.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">The dialogue…do
I need to say anything else than an example early on in the movie where a man
is told an assassin is going to kill his within three minutes:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- “<i>Kill
me in three minutes? Three minutes is as much time as you’ve taken a dump but
you’ve still got like, faint bits of shit sort of smearing at the toilet,
right?</i>”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">I rest
my case.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">I don’t
know what’s worse, that this movie has everything from butt-shurikens to acid breast
milk, or that I was laughing at every single immature joke this movie was
throwing at me. Ah well, final verdict? If you like Japanese humor, give it a
watch, and if you’re not familiar with Japanese humor, you might want to approaches
this one carefully but I still highly recommend
it, only for the sheer ridiculousness and because it might be one of the most
random thing you’ll ever see.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Things I’ve
learned from ‘Robo-Geisha’:</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">-
Ass-play is taken quite literally in this movie.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">-
Everyone in this movie went to the same target practice as the Star Wars storm
troopers.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">-
Grandpa be packing heat.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- Ass-swords…really
movie? You just had to push it didn’t ya?<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span>
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Personal rating: 8,5/10<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<span lang="EN-US"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Critical rating: 4,5/10</b></span><br />
<span lang="EN-US"><b><br /></b></span>
<span lang="EN-US"><b><br /></b></span></div>
</div>
</div>
Loanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17490751090524545662noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3076721457318782304.post-44309224848510343912013-08-31T19:00:00.002-07:002013-09-01T02:01:44.319-07:00SexyKiller 2008 Review<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_neEkeAgUE6pwz6qbum_NM1YkAOFqC5VzhwqXXonTaij0dDH_QhpZv1vYIEHPAAFPwnde9sb3ZL6Xq-CRChiPAjqJ3qpp6YzW3NEWWpPwRVO2q1zUHvWZ6pQgVLiGrFIYDqvoWOJ_kswi/s1600/sexy-k10.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_neEkeAgUE6pwz6qbum_NM1YkAOFqC5VzhwqXXonTaij0dDH_QhpZv1vYIEHPAAFPwnde9sb3ZL6Xq-CRChiPAjqJ3qpp6YzW3NEWWpPwRVO2q1zUHvWZ6pQgVLiGrFIYDqvoWOJ_kswi/s320/sexy-k10.jpg" width="225" /></a><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>SexyKiller</b></span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Psychotic
crazy chick and zombies, sure, why the hell not?</b></span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Imagine watching
a police drama, ‘Dawn Of The Dead’ and ‘The Simple Life’ at the same time while reading a Deadpool comic, and all that with a nonstop loop of the song “I’m a
Barbie Girl”</span> By Aqua blasting in the background at full
volume.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Yup,
that’s pretty much the experience of watching ‘Sexy Killer’ in a nutshell.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">This
little Spanish movie from 2008 was brought to us by Miguel Martí (Don’t worry, you’re
not supposed to know who it is).</span><br />
<span lang="EN-US">And damn, why aren’t there more movies like
that?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Meet Barbara:
a psychotic college airhead that constantly breaks the forth wall by speaking directly
into the camera and explain exactly why she is going to murder that one chick
for wearing an outfit that she was so gonna maybe buy…ish.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Her life
consist of trying out multiple outfits and killing pervs and anyone who annoys
her, such as slutty classmates and horny teachers. Unfortunately her less than
subtle murders seem to have caught the attention of the police, and two
coroners and science students, who have managed to create a machine that can
read the mind, even of the early departed. It would be only ironic that one of
the two scientist falls in love with our favorite nail-polished sociopath and is
mistaken himself by her as a fellow psychopath, with him being unobvious of the
whole situation.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Little does
Barbara known that the mind reading machine also seems to have some necromantic
side effects, and soon, all her previous victims rise from the grave to take
revenge and nom on all the brains they come across, and where else to do that
but the Halloween fiesta?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">What can
I say? I loved this movie. Barbara is one of the most entertaining characters I’ve
seen in a long time, and her ass kicking skills propels the plot forward at
rocket speed, even if sometime the chronology can be confusing. A good chunk of
the movie is told by Barbara to a guy she is torturing for running over her
poodle ‘Jason’(yes, that’s a reference). She tells him, and thus us as well, how this
whole ordeal came to be. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">I gotta say, this has to be one of the most colorful dark comedy I’ve seen in a while. Everything
to Barbara telling us how to asphyxiate some guy like she was on a cooking program,
to a ‘House Of The Dead’ish climax with “The Bird Is The Word” song from family
guy playing in the background.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">This
whole movie reminded me a lot of Suda 51’s ‘Lollypop Chainsaw’, if Julie would
be a psychotic b8tch. Colorful and over the top while being self-aware and
funny as hell.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">There’s
also a very “Re-Animator”esk subplot with the love interest and his friend
playing around with the possibilities of playing god. The best part is when the
love interest accidentally raise the first zombie and is then forced to raise
the others in hope he will uncover the identity of their killer, quickly having
to explain to his ex-classmates why they are dead. The zombies are very self-consent
with what is happening to them and are even able to talk like regular people,
for a while…then they just become your everyday rotting corps in search of
brains. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">The main
focus of the first half of this movie is mainly Barbara slaughtering left and
right, wondering why Leonardo Dicaprio had to die at the end of ‘Titanic’ while
drowning a classmate, and the police trying to uncover the identity of the
killer.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">The second
half is more a epic showdown between Barbara and her revived victims, which
opens for more than enough hilarious and kick ass scenes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">The humor
overall really reminded me of the likes of “<a href="http://ahorrordiary.blogspot.nl/2013/08/review-lesbian-vampire-killers-2009.html" target="_blank">Lesbian Vampire Killers</a>” and even “Shaun
Of The Dead” at times, I can’t say I’ve seen many Spanish movies, but if the
comedy is as good as in “SexyKiller”, I might have to check it out.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">The only
downsides I can come up with is that since this movie didn’t do great at the
box office, I don’t expect a dubbed version anytime soon. Also the effects are
pretty sh8t at times, but that only adds to the B-movie glory that is this
great movie. And all is forgiven to a movie that refers to ‘Evil Dead’ in its
final act. Although I gotta ask, is she called Barbara as an homage to the main
character from the original Zombie movie ‘Night Of The Living Dead’ or am I just
overthinking it?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Definitely
recommending this one folks, great time guaranteed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Things I’ve
learned from ‘SexyKiller’</b>:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">-
Zombies make the best BFF’s<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- How to
lose weight as a psychopath, for example, biting someone’s ear off burns 120
calories<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- Chainsaws
aren’t as useful as one would think in a zombie outbreak, I mean, it takes
around ten minutes to get it to work, at least according to this movie.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
- The
amount of B-movies references in this movie is too damn high<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>[Special
Award]</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Earliest
nude scene: 28 seconds (including opening credits)</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<b>Personal rating: 8.5/10</b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<b>Critical rating: 7/10</b></div>
Loanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17490751090524545662noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3076721457318782304.post-71333079219512953652013-08-27T08:00:00.007-07:002013-09-09T11:45:35.938-07:00Evil Dead 2 Review<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3nQ2MHl8f4oo-UJSAiPRM5PUrq79mThsR6nqfOVSZATILCwahYsKQ-XS0zvlZrwow9cFgxPAokcs_933_MFFa6jGQ3HJEN2M_yJT2p84YMEq3J_P6ckEnnXKEP1buAeEkJw89fvLtI2bf/s1600/evil_dead.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3nQ2MHl8f4oo-UJSAiPRM5PUrq79mThsR6nqfOVSZATILCwahYsKQ-XS0zvlZrwow9cFgxPAokcs_933_MFFa6jGQ3HJEN2M_yJT2p84YMEq3J_P6ckEnnXKEP1buAeEkJw89fvLtI2bf/s320/evil_dead.jpg" width="320" /></a><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Evil
Dead 2</b></span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-size: x-small;">The
return of the Chin</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Well, it
seems I’ve been digging through the garbage lately. Sure, there were exceptions
here and there, but I do feel it’s about time we review not only a movie I
truly love, but also one of the most acclaimed and celebrated B-movie of all
times, ladies and gentlemen, I give you, Sam Raimi’s opus magnum: Evil Dead 2,
Dead by dawn.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
Yes, I
too used to be a child, and like most children, I didn’t know what made a good
movie good and vice versa. My experience was based on what little I’ve heard in
the broken down village in the Alps where I lived, where good color TV’s were
rare and good movies were even harder to find. Mind you, it was the late
nineties back then, and even though there was gold to be found out there, my
life was held back by the great technological gap that filled the world I lived
in. every once in a while my cousin would tell me of a movie she heard of about
a man with claws that came in the dreams of children, and sometime I would see
a poster of the new Jaws hanging on the side of a building. My taste in music,
movies, and even people came from what was expected of me, of what other people
saw as fitting. It was an innocent time perhaps, where we would sit in my
aunt’s living room every Friday night and watch a weekly episode of Buffy The Vampire
Slayer, back when it was still airing.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">So it
was to my delight when my cousin came in laughing and saying “You have to see
this” as she held a VHS that looked so amazing my little brain almost exploded.
We sat down and watched as she laughed and commented on how bad it was, the
poor little thing didn’t know that in my corner, I was completely and utterly
ignoring her, gazing in front of me at the screen that was flashing before my
eyes. I hadn’t seen anything like it ever, she laughed and joked as my
perception changed and I finally developed an opinion. Once it was all over and
she finally stopped laughing, I looked at her and said “I liked it”. She tried
to reason with me, telling me the effects were pure crap, the acting wasn’t
even on par with the play her little brother had done at her school two weeks
ago, but I couldn’t care less, I had found something I liked and I didn’t care
what anyone had to say. And from that day on, I learned to see the world from a
different view, from the view of a man who wasn’t afraid of the monsters under
his bed because he had a chainsaw in the one hand, and campy one liners in the
other.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">There
are very few works that have influenced my view on things the way this movie
has,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Watchmen,<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dL-ttyIhSYk" target="_blank">Mozart’s Kyrie Eleison</a>, the second Silent Hill, the work of Francis Bacon,
and Sam Raimi’s masterpiece is no different. It came to me when it was most
needed and left its mark on me as a reason not to be afraid of who I am and to
be proud of my opinion.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">You
might say that Evil dead 2 gave way to my passion for B-horror movies, but it
would be closer to the truth to say it gave way to my passion to films
altogether.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>But
enough stalling, let’s get to reviewing:</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Evil
dead 2, subtitled Dead by dawn, produced in 1987 as a sequel to the first Evil
dead, that by now, had made a reputation for itself in the underworld of the
cult classics. Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell knew that they wouldn’t top the
eerie atmosphere that they had set up in the first, and that trying to recreate
it would only end in another disappointing sequel that would fade from the
memories. So they tried something else, one of the most dangerous moves to pull
off in any horror movie, focusing on the humor.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">At that
time it was either do or break, the fans would be in an outrage that the legacy
of their first real scare would be turned into a cheap laugh, but they took the
dive anyway.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Saying
it paid off is one way of saying it, another would be that at first it didn’t,
but eventually, the crowd went wild and the movie became the flag carrier for
all upcoming B-movies to come, and with psychotic Ash ‘The chin’ as it’s
captain, the movie carried on with a fanbase like no other.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">It’s
rare to find a movie that draws the line so thin between hilarious out of place
slapstick comedy and brutal violence and horror. But Evil Dead 2 is one of
those few that not only pulls it off, but master it to the point of being an
example to all campy B-horrors movies that came after it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"> </span> </div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgH09HLR3RBXzMKaUfAF5P72rTp-kLukmoHgbHPTRz4_Z-leiaCI1yiNSPsq-Qn_vXbuYX59ixhyphenhyphenRpO-ggBfmlNMlv5Czz0ReqaPt8YNaUcNzGxeRjlLPy8h7XUoMJoPnUSXTqQLJ86qOZj/s1600/the-evil-dead-saga-bruce-campbell.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgH09HLR3RBXzMKaUfAF5P72rTp-kLukmoHgbHPTRz4_Z-leiaCI1yiNSPsq-Qn_vXbuYX59ixhyphenhyphenRpO-ggBfmlNMlv5Czz0ReqaPt8YNaUcNzGxeRjlLPy8h7XUoMJoPnUSXTqQLJ86qOZj/s400/the-evil-dead-saga-bruce-campbell.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The definition of manliness</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">The
confusing thing about the evil dead saga’s storyline, is that Evil dead 2 can
either be seen as a sequel, a remake or both. The first seven minutes of the
movie recreate the events of the original Evil dead from 1981, but with only
Ash and his girlfriend Linda, who becomes possessed and is killed by Ash in a
desperate moment. From then on Ash gets attacked by an unseen force and then
the movie concludes the events of the original. After that, Ash tries
desperately to fend off the demons waiting to nom on his soul, and his own growing
insanity and guilt from killing Linda, who doesn’t seem to want to stay dead.
This is however quickly solved by a very touching scene, and by touching I mean
chainsaw induced madness that literally overflows the screen.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">But as
Ash slowly loses his fight and his body slowly but certainly becomes possessed,
the daughter of the original owner of the cabin waltz in with her boyfriend
sized ken doll, a set of bad teeth and tree rape victim #2.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">And
together they fight off the demons of the night as Ash undergoes a moral
metamorphosis from scared everyday best buy employee to sawed off shotgun
wielding chainsaw hand first class badass.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Do I
need to say more? Why are you still reading this? go watch it, now, and if you
already seen it, go watch it again dammit.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">This
movie is one of the great, the Michelangelo of B-movies, the Darwin of its
time, misunderstood by most, but only because they didn’t understand what stood
before them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">On the
technical side, it was made on the budget of a wheel of cheese and two cents.
So of course you can see the cable holding Sam Raimi’s brother hanging in the
air dressed as an old demonic granny. And you can see most of the crew running
in the background, and you know they rewinded the footage of the fog coming out
of the ground, and that the make up on demonic Ash is as believable as your
uncle pretending to be Santa, and asking you to sit on his lap, when you’re 21…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Yes, yes
I know it’s not top notch but dammit, I wouldn’t have it any other way. The
cabin isn’t just a set, it’s a place where legends were born, and the one
liners will be used in distant civilization as words of prophets when they
uncover our broken cities, bombed to hell by our own stupidity and frustration
that we probably never will recreate the feeling we feel deep inside our
hearths when watching Evil Dead 2.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Go watch
this movie.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Personal
Rating: 9.9/10<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Critical
Rating: 8/10</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">What
I’ve learned from Evil Dead 2:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- Pretty
much everything I know<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- How to
man up to my fears<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- How
losing a hand isn’t always a bad thing<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- The
meaning of “When the wall will start bleeding”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- Bruce
Campbell is made for 70 percent testosterones, the other 30 percent are pure,
raw and unlimited badass<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Loanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17490751090524545662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3076721457318782304.post-1621742219805090242013-08-26T00:39:00.000-07:002013-09-16T08:24:00.947-07:00Cannibal! the musical review<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEje0eL_DYM3cwPswW57BLNGP4ggxu1tNHqp9nyXSpage4sri2VBq8xSVHZFQwERrysUwE8HDcyJTsfvSf3-y-4TBygEGy3ZG12zvM1hXOO2DEoKg2PZtYaGQzpILt_8L5Z-gXpXLZZDKuMv/s1600/mzi.fokbuckk.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEje0eL_DYM3cwPswW57BLNGP4ggxu1tNHqp9nyXSpage4sri2VBq8xSVHZFQwERrysUwE8HDcyJTsfvSf3-y-4TBygEGy3ZG12zvM1hXOO2DEoKg2PZtYaGQzpILt_8L5Z-gXpXLZZDKuMv/s400/mzi.fokbuckk.jpg" width="266" /></a><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Cannibal!
The musical</b></span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Because
why the F*&^not?</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">How to
turn a real life tragedy in a goofy comedy movie from 1993? Have the crew of
South Park do it of course, and while we at it, let’s turn it into a musical,
because f*^& you moral sense, you can’t tell us what to do!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Yes,
this little masterpiece really exist, and yes, it’s also based on a true,
gruesome story, and yes, I should be offended, but somehow, I’m ok with this,
it’s not like they had a rapping dog in it at least (I’m looking at you
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BxHNztg0X3s" target="_blank">Titanic</a>)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">So what
is this movie really about and why do I believe it’s pure genius?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Well,
let’s see, the story tell the quest of six miners in the 1890 something, in
search for Colorado.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Unfortunately
for them, their guide is more pre-occupied with his strange and possible
illegal relation with his horse rather than their destination or their safety.
Along the way they sing, do a ballet rehearsal and meet Japanese
4e-wall-breaking Indians and other randomness. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">But
after a while, the food runs out and they are left with very little options,
they have to resort to cannibalism, and yes, it’s all done in songs that will
make you go “is that Mr Garrison or Cartman??”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Yes, if
you couldn’t tell already, I really enjoyed this movie. The humor and style
really reminded me the likes of “Dracula, dead and loving it”, you know, in a
time where the market for comedy wasn’t owned by Adam Sandler and failed
attempts to recreate the first Scary Movie.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">This
movie had me laughing from the very first scene, where the cannibal runs around
biting people, ripping arms off and beating others over the head with it, at
least you can’t blame it for not being straightforward. There where large
chunks where nothing really happened but there was always an hilarious scene
around the corner. The humor, both dialogue and physical where spot on, exactly
what to expect from the South Park team. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">My
advice? Give it a watch. Its definitely a classic and a must-watch for all the
South Park fans out there. All I’m hoping for now is “South Park does a
Hindenburg chrismas”, and extra points everywhere if they make it a goddamn
musical.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Personal
rating: 8,5<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Critical
rating: 7</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>What I've learned from Cannibal! the musical:</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- I’m
never going to Wyoming.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- Nobody
wants butt meat<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- No
musical should go without an epic cowbell solo</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- This
movie would makes for a great drinking game, called: Spot the alien<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Loanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17490751090524545662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3076721457318782304.post-1987862659645448212013-08-17T15:35:00.004-07:002013-09-16T08:25:57.427-07:00The Giant Spider Invasion 1975 review<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><b><span style="font-size: large;">The Giant
Spider Invasion</span></b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg45M3bO31o6MfMjs7nnYo_8agKSEJGr_ouAlerrUgeo2ln2ZiVJXUSDS_C4-lE9pxUZZX8x6gIyN1weTwIut9crTeTAwLASH9qtS6NFJoBRgfyBsWLtIMBtXEvmlDJfaZRpXyHDLWB_V-_/s1600/giant_spider_invasionposter.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg45M3bO31o6MfMjs7nnYo_8agKSEJGr_ouAlerrUgeo2ln2ZiVJXUSDS_C4-lE9pxUZZX8x6gIyN1weTwIut9crTeTAwLASH9qtS6NFJoBRgfyBsWLtIMBtXEvmlDJfaZRpXyHDLWB_V-_/s400/giant_spider_invasionposter.jpg" width="262" /></a><span lang="EN-US"> <span style="font-size: x-small;">or: "The Mist" zero budget</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Ok, here’s
what you need to make a monster movie:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- City
model that you can wreak<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- Forgettable
character except for that one a88hole who’ll die in a horrible an hilarious way<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- A
f8ing monster<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">How do mess
this up??monster movies are one of the easiest things to shoot, just have a guy
in a suit throw a tandem tantrum in the model city you made out of cardboard
boxes, have the characters have a little line of dialogue every once in a while trying to explain the existence of said monster, and BAM, instant classic.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">I really
want to like ‘The Giant Spider Invasion’, I really do. It’s a cult classic, the
effects are hilarious and who doesn’t love giant spiders? But no matter how
hard I try, I just can’t find a shred of love for it in my heart for this movie
that I can only call as fail and damn shame on the whole ‘monster movie’ genre.
But I’m getting ahead of myself, ‘what is this movie actually about’ you may
ask?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Well, one
day, for no reason other than ‘The plot demands it!’ (a very common motivator
in most 1970s movies) a black hole decides to open in some nasty
hillbilly’s pot field (now you might wonder why I said nasty, well, it can have
something to do with the fact that the a88hole tries throughout the entire
movie to get in his girlfriend’s younger and probably jailbaity sister’s
panties)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">As movie
logic would have it, the entire earth doesn’t collapse upon itself from having
the leftover of a dying star on its surface, but somehow creates a portal to
somewhere else, and it’s not before long that the inhabitants of that other
place decide to come and say hello to their new neighbors.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">And thus
begins the invasion of the giant spider…and you might see the first problem I have
with this movie, the spider isn’t plural. Yup, an invasion can be carried out
by a single individual, there goes a major selling point. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Although
the spider isn’t entirely alone, it brought it’s pretty much completely harmless
tarantula pets along. Their only purpose is to serve as minor inconvenience to
the inhabitants of the town, or as foreshadowing of something bigger to come. And
that brings us to our second problem with this movie. The first 40 minutes of
this movie are the following:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- Stereotypical
Americans having mind crushing painful dialogue.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- The
harmless tarantulas (you know, the supposedly ‘fearful monsters’ of this movie)
serving as mildly annoyance to the townsfolk, such as crawling up their legs
with suspenseful music, only to be nonchalantly brushed off and stomped, or
getting eaten by accident with no advance to the plot howsoever. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- Two
idiots teaming up with the world’s friendliest sheriff to look for the black
hole for 30 minutes while having tea and talking about scientific explanations
that a five year old would come up with.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">-
Something about diamonds involving the spider eggs for some reason</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Rule number
one of monster movies, don’t try too hard to have a plot or character
development, what people want to see in a monster movie is, and I know this
might come over as a shock but, a f8ing monster.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">If this
movie would have been called ‘invasion of the mild incontinences’ then okay, I would
have forgiven it for having one or two tarantulas crawling in the background of
a scene. But it’s not the case, we want to see a giant spider the size of a car,
not a “oh guess I won’t see that anytime soon in my garage but it’s still no
real big deal” spider.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">The real
giant spider finally shows up at 38 minutes into the movie, in all its glory
that would make the Halloween decorations look realistic. And then the movie
finally becomes what it was meant to be: a giant spider eating people. It’s all
we asked for, and it shouldn’t take a movie 40 minutes to deliver on its
goddamn premise.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">I guess
it’s the same problem I had with ‘<a href="http://grimmbreakreviews.blogspot.nl/2013/07/the-blob1958-or-howa-pink-pudding-ate.html" target="_blank">the Blob</a>’, but at least the monster got out pretty
fast and already a body count before the movie got to a grinding halt, and the
dialogue was at least bearable, unlike this failure of a flick.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">What I’m
trying to say is that it gets better on the second half, but it doesn’t make up
for its shallow and idiotic first half. Also, somehow this movie think it’s
more spiritual than it actually is, it constantly drops a scene of a preacher
screaming in our ears bible quotes for no apparent reason<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">I already
said it, it doesn’t work it your not eating a Big Kahuna burger and rocking an
afro.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaSTl6jdMOdl0s6TNINfr17ugTTe3rymYfWr5C3RBAfANtBIswlTuyVus4_Che8gcRb2KuSGRs9rFAg4hajr58lva-3v-ACTPlcpitwOrT-Nj698n7Wws9RUaNguM_UW4bSqxNf-eVgbwL/s1600/Knipsel2.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaSTl6jdMOdl0s6TNINfr17ugTTe3rymYfWr5C3RBAfANtBIswlTuyVus4_Che8gcRb2KuSGRs9rFAg4hajr58lva-3v-ACTPlcpitwOrT-Nj698n7Wws9RUaNguM_UW4bSqxNf-eVgbwL/s400/Knipsel2.PNG" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">But enough
about the negatives, I guess the spider looks kinda cool, like one of these fake
toy spiders </span>but
about 50 foot larger. It’s pretty hilarious seeing it walking in the background
flaying it’s legs around like it just don’t care.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">It’s
pretty funny until the sheriff tries to stop the civilians from trying to kill
the damn thing, and that’s apparently a bad thing? I get the whole aspect in
which they put themselves in danger, but if your lazy ass ain’t gonna do it
might as well be an angry mobs with guns? Ah well whatever, see if I care.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Final thought?
Wasted potential at a great movie due to actually trying to have a story and suspense,
points for trying I guess, but it shouldn’t take the first half of the movie to
finally have some sort of payoff, or plot for that matter.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Things I
learned from “The Giant Spider Invasion”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- A good
movie title doesn’t make a good movie.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- Cars in
Wisconsin explode when slightly tapped<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- This
movie really doesn’t help with the whole “Fat American stereotype”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- What
to do when you run out of budget? Just scrap an ending that doesn’t make sense
and that involves an incredible lucky shot and a whole lot of rewinding, and
hope the audiance would already have left the theater at that point.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Personal
rating: 5 / 10<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Critical
rating: 3.5 / 10</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Loanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17490751090524545662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3076721457318782304.post-21982115759206582292013-08-12T19:24:00.001-07:002013-08-26T14:33:47.778-07:00Teeth 2007 review<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Teeth</b></span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMOBo_PQN8WzGiUli-NM4lNm-5PUNqQnpSXDv9LahBYg3dt-aEsvJMuXkly5HFKSqWxaKMhm-V2dq8LpfkPjBmm_O8o-azU13GUjRouj1_aUACCoEP6AqNCvhnS6gZU4C5SExGogcdGdLV/s1600/teeth-movie-poster1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMOBo_PQN8WzGiUli-NM4lNm-5PUNqQnpSXDv9LahBYg3dt-aEsvJMuXkly5HFKSqWxaKMhm-V2dq8LpfkPjBmm_O8o-azU13GUjRouj1_aUACCoEP6AqNCvhnS6gZU4C5SExGogcdGdLV/s400/teeth-movie-poster1.jpg" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It's back...yup</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-size: x-small;">The return
of the killer snatch</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Come
on…?! Another one??Again with the killer vaginas?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Yes, it
would seem there aren’t enough movies to scare us to death about the female
genitals, after “Killer Pussy”, someone thought it would be a great idea to
get an American version over the sea, that guy would be Mitchell Lichtenstein
and said movie would be no other that the 2007 "Teeth", because F8ck it, there
can never be enough movies about killer vaginas.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Although,
unlike it’s Japanese cousin “Killer Pussy”, which was a straight up goofy
comedy soft core porno ( see my review on that infamous little mess here: <a href="http://grimmbreakreviews.blogspot.nl/2013/07/killer-pussy-review.html" target="_blank">Killer Pussy Review</a>), I can
give “Teeth” the credit for actually trying to tell a good story, despite the
fact that it’s at its hearth still somewhat of a comedy<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">The
story revolve around Dawn, a nice little high school girl with somewhat of an
unusual problem. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">She has
vowed abstinence with her group of Glee rejects, oh, and her snatch has a nasty
case of the munchies, and given that the damn thing has a pretty good set of
teeth, I’m fairly certain this movie’s gonna get interesting.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Why does
she have a set of razor sharp teeth in her privates? It’s never really
explained, although the constant shots of the huge nuclear reactors behind her
house might mean something, who knows?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">So Dawn
goes on with her poor little abstinent life with constant temptations and advances
from her creepy half-brother. Yes, it seems the premise is not the only thing
that Teeth shares with its predecessor, they also have a character in common,
seems that Creeper from killer pussy has a long lost brother in America, who
knew? Not kidding, they’re practically the same guys character-wise, except
that we spend more time with the brother to realize how much of a d8ck he is.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">So, personal
thoughts on this movie? Surprisingly I liked it. Yeah, go figure, me liking a
movie about killer genitals, who knew?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">But seriously,
if you can put the ridiculousness of the premise behind you, you’ll find a
pretty subtle and good comedy/horror. The pace was pretty good, except for the
first few scenes that talked about god and purity and bla bla bla, we’ll get to
that later, but for the rest, pretty good.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">The characters
were far less two-dimensional that I expected and had actually emotions and
were able to emote them without having it feeling forced. A scene where the
acting and the dialogue really amazed me was in the third act of the movie,
after the father and the son had a fight and end up talking, the tension and the dialogue
were there, and it is a hearth touching scene where the brother, instead of being a major
d8ck like usual, actually opens up despite being in utter and complete control
of the situation, and we get a creepy and honest revelation to why his character
is so tormented inside. It’s pretty amazing if a movie can make me feel sorry,
even for a microsecond, for such a despicable and cruel character as American
Creeper.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">But for
all the good this movie does in the second and third act, my god was the first
one a drag.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Preachy
as hell, just enough to make you wonder whether they were parodying the whole ‘purity
ring’ and all that religious nonsense or if they were serious. Here the thing
though: I don’t have a problem with people who want to wait until the wedding
to give in, hell, if it makes them happy, go for it, see if I care. However,
this whole purity ring campaign bullcr8p and the religious aspect just manage
to press the wrong buttons with me. And throughout the entire movie, Dawn never
seems to get rid of her anti sex t-shirt, now granted, it’s pretty ironic given
her condition. But the first act doesn’t focus on that how so ever. So it’s
pretty easy to forget the whole ‘Killer in the pants’ thing and just watch two
hyper religious teens giving each other lovely eyes and talking about how awesome
god is and how evil sex is, which really drags on and on and on and on…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Thankfully
the accidental castrations break in like trumpets to a fanfare to welcome the
second act, but until then, useless teenage drama, the worse kind. What I’m trying
to say with this, is that being abstinent and believing in god is like having a
d8ck, it’s great to have one and it’s great to be proud of it, but please, don’t
shove it in our face, k?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">The editing
is also really weird, I know it’s a weird thing to bring up in a movie about a
killer box, but it was one of those few things that really bugged me with this
movie. Some scenes would go nowhere and characters would show up at places at
random without any explanations.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">But with
all this aside, great movie, although it could have been a little less graphic on
the castrations in my opinion, I’ve seen BME Pain Olympics, and I must say that
Teeth wasn’t far off. Pretty painful to watch at some points even, might I add (for
a guy).<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIbIv8OGBDlt7tZF8en93Akgyf0OU7cUus6ots8fdV8WY2X7q_rVZ2qL7tH42C62y9aSIFbq5NXKfahK7Nt2iwHxuGtCa7_JzmLtMUx4pXmdte81adQlIc8mNSU_tF6FlyjLikAp8HzJOU/s1600/American+Creeper.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="222" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIbIv8OGBDlt7tZF8en93Akgyf0OU7cUus6ots8fdV8WY2X7q_rVZ2qL7tH42C62y9aSIFbq5NXKfahK7Nt2iwHxuGtCa7_JzmLtMUx4pXmdte81adQlIc8mNSU_tF6FlyjLikAp8HzJOU/s400/American+Creeper.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Killer pussy" 's creeper's long lost brother</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">So here’s
the big question, which is better? “Teeth” or “Killer Pussy”?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Well “Teeth”
is a ok movie that I genuinely enjoyed about a girl trying to find a way to
overcome her problem, “Killer pussy” was bat sh8t insane and had me laughing my
ass off for all the wrong reasons.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">So which
is better? Teeth. Which is funnier? “Killer pussy”. Pick your poison. All I’m
afraid of is when the darn things will learn to talk, now THAT will be terrifying…(Obvious
foreshadowing is obvious)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">Things I’ve
learned from “Teeth”:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">-
America is weird as f8ck<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- I never
want to be a gynecologist, it’s like the ‘Killer vagina movie’ equivalent to a
black guy in a horror movie…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- Both Japanese
and American creepers got the same resolutions in both movie…weird<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span lang="EN-US">- The
line between being a hero and being a d8ck is very thin.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Personal
rating:<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>6.5/10<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>Critical
rating:<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>5.8/10</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Loanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17490751090524545662noreply@blogger.com4